My Rantings...

2008-12-02T21:30:00.002+08:00

I want to buy PS3!

2008-11-11T22:42:00.002+08:00

I feel bad..

It's not for me to judge where my gf's futures lies but all I ever wanted was for her to succeed. Succeeding have totally nothing to do with luck but has everything to do with mentality. Therefore, I felt bad when I said that SIM is a place for losers with nowhere better else to go.

"Why do I felt this way?" I asked myself, after all, SIM has its fair share of success stories and yet I am criticising their ability to groom a student. The only reason I can think of is that I am getting to full of myself. I had never overlook this negative attitude of mine and I am trying ways to improvise on it.

I been think of my future again. Questions such as 'what career path should I choose', 'what type of person do I want to spend the rest of my life with', 'what should I do if my parents are diagnosed with a serious illness' and 'what if I were paralysed from a freak accident'. There is so many questions which are on my mind but no answers appeared on my mind. Perhaps the only possible answer I have is what should I do if I terribly ill of which the answer is I will definitely terminate my life since the law could be allowing the use of lethal injection soon. But what about my other questions? My guess is that the decision would most probably be made either selflessly or selfishly.

If I were to choose my career base on selflessness, the career would most probably be regular working hours with a decent salary. But if I were to choose a career selfishly, I would be looking for a high paying job with irregular working hours that have a high chance of promotions early.

Sigh... There are so much tough decision to make in life... A major decision is still pending this coming December or March.

2008-11-06T00:14:00.003+08:00

I'm back to being a bookworm, borrowing books from the library. I manage to stumble upon one of the best selling books and i borrowed it immediately!

It's titled - "THE RULES OF LIFE"

Basically, this book provides recommendation to lead a happier and more successful life. After reading 1/4 of the book, I found out why had I succeeded... I possess half of the life's rule recommended by the book! That is why I am successful :) I guess if I want to be a happier person, I have to finish the remaining of the book.

Anyway, there are many things which I can do now since I am relieved of the stress of preparing for exams. Taken up a few hobbies and enjoying life. Hope I can pick up new skills soon :)

2008-10-22T23:29:00.002+08:00

Perhaps, I am a selfish person.

I was reflecting how has my effort to reconcile all my family differences made any significant impact when I realised my own mistakes. I am trying to change my family members into my ideal family. The problem is that my family can never be ideal no matter what!

I will forever be the bad temper son in the family and will not have adequate time to spend with the family.

My mom will forever be the stubborn, superstitious and the control freak that she is.

My sister will forever stay with bad company and will never ever realise the importance of family

My father will forever be missing from home at every opportunity which he have and not contributing any significant things to the family.

But what I am trying to do I feel is justified. As the saying goes "if you love someone, do not try to change them". I totally hate the kind of family I have therefore I feel that I have all the right to try to change them a family of my dreams.

------------------------------------------------

Another area for improvement for me is my communication skills. I feel that the way I talk could offend people before I can realise it. Or the way I behave is anti-social. This is totally not the kind of behaviour of a successful man! Therefore must try to buck my my communication!

2008-09-28T22:51:00.002+08:00

I spend the whole weekend hoping around places!

AH
East Coast Park
NUH
NTU Alumni Club
Bukit Panjang
Toa Payoh

Wow... My petrol should be half used by since I last pump on Saturday morning.

2008-09-20T23:12:00.002+08:00

Nowadays, whenever things are not looking good, I figure out the best way to make things appear better.

Avoidance.

It might not make things go any better in the future but it will definitely make things more peaceful in the present. In the past, I used to tackle the problem head on but I found out that this approach is wrong in a relationship(academically wise, it is better to do otherwise). What is the use for finding a solution for a problem which keep recurring? The problem could very likely can only be settled by tolerance and compromises. In my opinion, avoidance could be a form a tolerance.

What the use of having good academic results when my family sucks? Most likely they will affect other's opinion on me in a negative way.

What the use of having good academic results again if friends are not there for me? In my list of contacts, I can hardly find anyone who will go with me for a drink if I were to approach them.

What the use of being in such a long relationship when the days of anger are more than the days of love?

So many questions on what the uses that I really have the urge to go back to my old days... Carefree, relax and withdrawn. At least everything is much more peaceful then.

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2008-09-16T21:14:00.002+08:00

Got my results... Was having high expectation this time round but I guess I should be glad with what I got. At least my 3.8 grade has been maintained. Here's my results...

Advance Financial Accounting - AD
Auditing 2 - AD
Company Law - B+
Managerial Accounting - AD
Taxation 2 - A+
PC Technology - B+
World Issues - A

More ADs to add to my resume, especially auditing! Can crap say that I am very passionate about Audit and this can be proved by getting distinction for both Audit 1 and 2 in poly. In fact, I was quite upset that I did not get at least an A got my Company Law. I got the book prize for BLAW and yet they never give me face :(

Right now, I am an intern of Bank of America(ML was bought over by them just yesterday).
Still trying to be more outspoken but I seems to be tongue-tied when in the company of my colleagues. I guess I still lack the personality to be a leader/manager. Must strive hard!!!

2008-09-10T20:19:00.002+08:00

My girlfriend is not taking her revision seriously again! What else is new?

So far, I'm liking my internship. My main aim right now is to understand what I am doing and do my tasks quick and error free.

2008-09-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

Btw... For the information of someone....

This guy...

Warren Buffett...

is the CEO of...

and not...

2008-09-06T21:55:00.002+08:00

There is not much happenings for the week. Basically, I am having my internship programme at ML and trying to learn as much things as possible. I'm very pleased that one of my mentor actually praised me! He said that I am the first intern who successfully allocated the data without mistake on the first try =) What is better is that he praised me in front of the AVPs! Seems like my internship is going on a good start.

Clicking with the staffs in the department isn't that bad as well. Having lunch regularly with the other department's staff and slowly starting to speak more. In fact, I got to chat with my AVP while doing my tasks. Another funny incident happened. On the 2nd day, I witnessed my AVP applying access for me and sending the application with a wrong email! The error was that instead of a '@' for the email, he mistakenly used '_'. When he came over my desk on thursday to see whether the application was approved, he found it strange that no email was sent to me. Then I told him that he entered the wrong email when he raised the application. I told him that I dare not tell him since it was only the 2nd day I am at work. Everyone around my desk immediately started laughing and the AVP jokingly said that he is human as well and he makes mistake. Hope that does not left a bad impression on them.

Furthermore, there was a department lunch which is on the VP's treat. Our department ate at Jack's Place and I am the one who ordered the most expensive meal. Hope that doesn't affect my evaluation ;p My VP also ordered roasted snails. That was the first time I ate snails. Couldn't get much taste out of it as I only ate one which fulfill my VP's philosophy of "everything must at least try once". Anyway, I still think that corkles are much nicer to eat.

My relationship have its ups and downs during this week. More on the down side basically. Really hoping that I can spend more time on my other half so that the happiness would still remains. Whether she will be my soul mate for the rest of my life remains unclear. I have not decide yet but I intend to have a steady relationship before I graduate from university. I really do not think I can find a good partner once I am outside in the workforce.

That sums up my week. Rather lazy to blog nowadays.

2008-08-31T15:45:00.002+08:00

ERP rates from my home to my work place is $1!

Parking is free at Marina Square and Millenia Walk.

ERP rates from work place to home is another $1!

Transportation MRT from Redhill to City hall $0.98.

Transportation MRT from Tiong Bahru to City hall $0.88.

Question is whether should I take train or ride to work?

2008-08-31T15:05:00.002+08:00

While I was doing spring cleaning for my emails, I read through a few emails sent by Cynthia in the past. I realised that we were very close to breaking up in the midst of November 2005 to January 2006. I do not recall what happened but I am certain that the reasons are very likely to be childish and immature. Reflecting back, a thought was always on my mind whenever something bad was brewing in my relationship, was I in this relationship for the sake of companionship.

Companionship it was as we had accompany each other from late 2006 to mid 2008 without much trouble. However, everlasting was never possible as predicted by me. Being the typical accountant, I was thinking of the returns of this relationship.

We are not as happy as we used to be in the past. Now, it seems that we can easily have a much better conversation with friends with jokes in the conversation. I had also predicted that couples usually have less things to talk about due to restriction in certain topic.

I have the feeling of being used in this relationship. Especially when I got my motorbike! Although it had shorten my travelling time to get to her home, it still takes 30 minutes. A round trip would already take 1 hour. You should feel privileged instead of abusing the fact that you can get a more convenient form of transportation and it is getting more annoying as time passes.

I also get jealous easily and I am jealous of the fact that you care about a dog more someone who has been in your life for 3 years. Back to the topic of happiness, you once said that Oscar is the ONLY one who could make you feel happy. So I guess I am not needed any more?

I wish to offer you as much support as you offered for me while I took my O Levels. I would remain quiet and supportive throughout your journey. I can offer advise and a listening ear when you want to voice out your frustration. I would try to refrain from any acts that would caused you to be emotional unbalanced as I believe that exams would be done the best when an individual is both physically and emotionally healthy.

P.S.
Buying the water bottle for me was one of the most thoughtful things that you had done in our relationship... Thanks...

2008-08-27T01:06:00.002+08:00

I actually finished watching Heroes 2 in 2 days! Actually, it is not as bad as what the critics said. I was glued to the storyline since the third episode which is the reason why I finish the series so quickly. The creator of Heroes really have that fascinating ability to keep viewers in suspense. Even up till the last episode where it makes me want to catch the third season as soon as it is released. The good news is that season 3 has already been released but sadly, its not officially released in Singapore.

I just realised another thing about me. Whenever I watch a drama series, I can't help but take a liking for some of the actresses (who ask actresses to be so pretty everytime!). In season 1, I liked Hayden...

However, after the second season... I found another babe :D

Her name is Kristen Bell and she's 28 years old! This makes me wanna grow old. Haha... I am truly sounding like a young college guy who get crush easily.

2008-08-25T18:10:00.002+08:00

I'm tired of everything... maybe I will just drop everything... all affections, responsibilities and everything... just lying on my bed and resting...

2008-08-22T21:52:00.002+08:00

Finally all the exams are over! I was quite prepared for all the papers as I had prepared early this time round.

As I had foresee, there was indeed trouble happening on my exam week. Luckily, it occur the night before taxation paper. Police coming to my home in the middle of the night waking me up when I am sound asleep. The cause of all this is my sister! I do not know whether I regard her as a sibling. What I feel for her is partly pity, partly hate. Pity is for the life she had to go through. Hate for the amount of trouble she caused my family.

I tried to encourage her to start life afresh, to lead a life outside the underworld. I was trying to step into her footsteps to think why she had became so isolated from the family and why she enjoys living a life of "excitement". Seriously, I am completely clueless. Even my ultra bad temper is able to withstand our Mother's constant nagging. Maybe I am the favourite child but I feel that I have every right to be her favourite. However, I believe that if you were to treat her in a better manner, what she is willing to offer me will be offered to you as well. Sigh! My sister is already in her mid 20s. I really hope she will be more mature, plan about the future and stop living this kind of totally undesirable life(imo).

My ex-colleagues in WT, they are as academically declined as my sister is and yet they are living life normally, in a stable relationship, in a happy family and a stable job. So why can't my family be the same! I am already juggling so many responsibilities yet I am still finding a way to make my family happier. I help my sister whenever she need my help, accompany my mother as much as possible and even visit my father despite the fact that I hated him since young. I told my sister that I hope that our family to be happy, urge my mother to reduce her nagging for the benefit of the company and praying that my father will return home a better man. Maybe my next birthday wish or visit to the temple, I will pray and hope or whatever I can but in order for all these to become a reality, I really do need the contribution of everybody!

(repeated a lot a lot of times - I really envy complete and happy families)

Events which are within my knowledge now:
1) Employment contract signing with ML on 25 Aug
2) Singapore Stock Challenge
3) Father returning home on 4 Sept
4) Results on 15 Sept

Talking about results, I hope I done well enough to get a 4.0.

2008-08-17T00:06:00.002+08:00

Something strike me today.

I was thinking... I am fortunate in a sense that I never have those typical teenager problems. I do not have problems in my studies, relationship, peer pressure or whatever.

However, I have to deal with many problems which are equally mentally and emotionally draining as well. Family problems? Dealing with gangsters and troublemakers? Never had I felt so helpless.

Sigh... right now isn't the time for all these thoughts...

Focus... Concentrate...

2008-08-15T20:24:00.002+08:00

Watched the Olympics for the first time in my life.... it was addictive!

I think I was mesmerised by Park Mi-young, a pretty young lass :)

Cute right? still got her video playing table tennis on youtube.... fierce!

Anyway, I'm still patriotic... I was rooting for Singapore to win right from the start! Although I was captivated by the Korean beauty ;p

Lol... cannot say too much.. later Cyn will beat me...

Go back study lei..

2008-08-15T18:20:00.001+08:00

screwed claw...

maybe got chance got "baby" ;p

:pray: mark leniently!

2008-08-12T22:05:00.000+08:00

Try not to laugh watching this video!!!

=D

2008-08-12T17:56:00.007+08:00

Sibei Sian...

so did a test in my break time...

the results --->

2008-08-11T14:13:00.001+08:00

Just installed the mirrors :) Not used to them yet as they are very small!

Wait until after my exam then I polish it until nice nice...

2008-08-10T11:30:00.000+08:00

Bought new mirrors @ $38

Will post pictures of it on my bike after I install it....

Exams coming that is why my table so messy :)

Lastly, watched Money & Mummy...

Money is draggy but quite touchy

Mummy takes you to a fantasy ride

That's all....

Exam from 15 Aug till 22 Aug

2008-08-05T20:30:00.002+08:00

Why is it that every time when my test/exams are approaching, there seems to be some form of distraction?

I went to make a police report recently. It is regarding my sister's boyfriend. What I can say is that my family and I had tolerated the last of your terrorising behaviour! I do not need to be a physic to be able to tell your future. Not only are you uneducated, you are uncivilised as well. This would bring you nowhere in this society. Maybe you could have the benefits of living off tax-payers money which should be something you ought to be proud of as not much Singaporeans get to enjoy that "privilege".

The police told me that they can have him arrested due to attempting to house break. Combined with your past criminal records, I'm sure the law will be impartial with their sentencing. So, if he were to ever come near my home to terrorise or disturb my family, be very certain that I will contact the police.

This is why I am studying very hard right now. So that I can afford to go to the police station to give my statement if the need arises. Normally, I couldn't be bothered about what sort of guys my sister dates. Never had I urge my sister to break-up with her current boyfriend. This prove that how much this asshole is undeserving of my respect. However, he made me more protective of my mother and in the first time of my life, hope that my father was around protecting the family.

However, I feel that all this distraction has weighted me down. I feel that my revision progress isn't as smooth as I expected. I have trouble with the computation of Non-resident income tax and quite uncertain with the computation of MA2. I have not memorise any theory yet! So here I am furiously studying to ensure my 4.0 dreams remains fulfil-able :)

2008-08-02T22:02:00.001+08:00

And one more thing...

this is the colour of my arms right now...

2008-08-02T17:30:00.002+08:00

Went back to school for PPP this morning. PPP is Professional Preparation Program. Actually, I feel that the message can be transfer by simply giving the PPP booklet to us. This would be a win-win situation for both the school and the student as the school get to save the cost of conducting the PPP and transfer the cost savings to the students who can get the PPP booklet for free :)

To bad I do not have the guts to put that under the feedback for the PPP.

After the PPP, I hang around in school to wait till a appropriate time to leave for the Singapore Bike Fest. Chat for awhile can notice something unique. There are turtles mating in the pond! Here are the pictures to provide evidence to what I said :)

So how does turtles mate? I'm not sure but it sure looks like a very popular "position" :)

After that, off I went to the SBF. Kind of a disappointment as the events were pretty boring. But there were plenty of pretty bikes...

Personally, the first 3 photos are ranked according to my liking. If I was god damn rich and living in a private property, these would probably be one of my assets. This would probably be my retiring plans. Drive in the afternoon when the Sun is freaking hot and ride at night and up north occasionally to enjoy the breeze. Despite my age, I am already thinking about my retirement already :) This shows that I am a very organised person ;p

Here are the other photos I took:

Can spot my bike?

and the nicest post with my bike so far...

and the two who keep bugging me to go riding acting like these are their bikes...

That is all that I got for the SBF.

There is two more things I want to bring up. Initially, I was suppose to go with PL who was suppose to a companion. However, she backed up and I had to go myself. So I was telling myself: "Eugene ah Eugene ah, must be more sociable and make more new friends". But apparently, I have not yet acquire the skills to break ice so I guess this is an aspect that needs more work to improve my characteristic.

So the last an final part is specially for my relationship. Coincidently, two of my friends used the same display message which goes: "the more we get together the happy we'll be". I was contemplating how wonderful if this is applied to our relationship. So with this inspiring statement, I decided to ask PL out to catch a movie and to surprise her with the fireworks which will be on display today. But alas, this was not to be...

Maybe it is a win-win situation again as we both get to do our revision...

2008-07-30T17:02:00.002+08:00

I got my posting...

I'm attached to...

Merrill Lynch Global Services Pte Ltd

I heard rumours regarding the life in ML(my branch).

1) Unfriendly colleagues
2) Cramp office
3) Prepare to work OT
4) OT could last till 1am
5) Heavy workload
(Disclaimer: these are the opinions I heard and not my own personal comments)

I do not understand why I got this posting. My chosen field for attachment is Audit and apparently, ML is a company which specialised in financial service which includes:
Personal financial planning
Securities underwriting
Trading and brokering
Investment banking and advisory services
Trading of foreign exchange
Commodities and derivatives
Banking and lending
Insurance
Research

None of this services got the slightest relationship with audit! So why why I got into this company? I am good with financial accounting, tax and audit. My weakest area would be financial management and other qualitative modules. I really really do not know what I will be doing in ML.

There were good news as well as bad. Steven & JieMing both got into the habourfront branch and I was posted elsewhere! Millenia Towers was the place. Luckily there is still someone I know by the name of Jing Ying :) There are other familar names in the ML list of which I am unsure of whether they will be at the same branch as me.

Finally, exam starts on 15 Aug.... Must chiong now...

2008-07-28T23:37:00.002+08:00

My first paper is going to start on 15 Aug which effectively means that I have only

2 MORE WEEKS!!!

If I were to study very very hard from now, the possibility of getting 3.9 above aren't low. My prediction for my grades:

AFA - A
Audit - A
Tax - A
MA - A (a bit pessimistic)
CLAW - A
WISP - A
PCT - A (pessimistic as well)

Although my expectations are high, I do hope that I will meet my expectation instead of falling with a loud thump! I been telling myself since the start of the semester: "this is the last chance for me to score a perfect grade in poly!" I don't care about positions. What I care about is whether I am able to get into NTU accountancy with a Diploma with merit! To be honest, I will be totally lost if I can't get inside NTU. I'm without Additional Mathematics so admission to NUS to already out and I not sure whether my EQ and oral skills will be good enough for SMU.

There is going to be lots of outing this week.
Wednesday - Saki Sushi with TA24
Friday - Lunch with TA09
Saturday - Singapore Bike Fest

Hope I got enough $$$ to spend..

2008-07-27T01:18:00.004+08:00

First and foremost, I pass my Napfa Test!!! 25 Points and a gold medal. This means that I will be able to skip 2 months of N.S.

P.S
Thank Eugene for your help :) owe you 2 cup of tea...

Another announcement made by Mr Simon Tan, my audit tutor. He announced that my group got A for our project. Hopefully, the AFA project will the as good as the audit project. Frankly speaking, for a pathetic 15% grade, I was deprived of sleep for 2 days! I should had feedback that a higher percentage should be given for this project. Maybe they could consider it as the FYP for accountancy.

Plus, I had been following Superband for a few weeks now and I am beginning to find one of the host cute :)

What else to update? I been putting this particular person as my display pic for the whole week :)

and I had purchased a pair of grips for my bike, a grip which is said to be the best possible grip that money can buy. Costed me 92 bucks :(

Last but not least, I went through a movie marathon from 25 July to 26 July. Caught 2 movies namely X-files and The Dark Knight. Both are rated 4 stars by Yahoo Movies. To keep it short and sweet, X-files is dull and Dark Knight is draggy but very watchable.

&

Happy 40th Month Anniversary to Us :)

2008-07-19T01:31:00.003+08:00

Btw, I read this story in a forum... I would like to share it with you guys...

P.S it is a non-fiction story...

Title: Ironic Life

I went over to Philippines to conduct training for some car and bus workshops just last week. But the fruits that left the deepest impression in me isn't the success of the training seminars but rather the first hand eye witness account and conversations I had with a girl over there.

The streets were filled with beggars, the slums were filled with people who dug into rubbish chute for food like how a dog does. The roads are full of pot holes, uneven steps, basically a biker/driver nightmare.

And here's a very revolting joke derived from the eye witness account I had over there.
A Singaporean went to Philippines on a business trip. After touching down, his client went to pick him up at the air port. On the way to the hotel, he saw a lot of beggars on the streets and he took out his cameras to snap them. The Philippines client was very curious and asked why did he do that. The Singaporean replied, "Beggars are tourist attractions to me! Because back in Singapore I cannot find beggars on the street!"

On the first night after meeting up with one of the Porsche specialists, the hospitable boss brought me and my head of dept form the sales side to a bar called mystique. The atmosphere reeked of sleaziness. I always have this discrimination on women who work in this part of the service industry as thanks to the PRC who came over to Singapore to entice local men of their money and had the cheek to go on the papers to broadcast. However, the 2 meetings with this girl had an extremely disturbing effect on me.

She's an absolutely stunning girl coming to 20. With mesmerizing eyes and seductive figure. Dressed in an eye snatching low cut dress that even emphasised her irresistable assets. I shall call her N. When she sat beside me, I avoided eye contact with her. Refused to talk to her as much as possible yet not wanting to appear arrogant. Then she placed her hand on my thigh. I withdrew quickly and she apologised. But as time went by, not wanting to appear antagonised, I commenced communication. She speaks with a below average English in a tagalog accent. However we were able to communicate very well. And soon managed to talk deeper into more topics. N asked me how do I find Philippines and I kept quiet for a while. "Not OK?" she prompted as I recall her preparing to 'punish' me. I then replied "Everything will be fine if not for the corruption." This seemed to have hit the raw nerve of the entire topic. She enthusiastically agree with my allegation. We managed to get cosy with other on our conversations and felt like friends more than a transactional customer. I gave her a little tip of SG$100 which really felt worthwhile for being able to have someone ease my discomfort while staying 'entertained' in front of my client.

On the final night, I conducted the first ever major training seminar on vehicle race suspensions and steering system which I have never conducted in a scale like that before. I was expecting it to be a very challenging night as I went through all the technical details. About 100 people turned up in the car owner's gathering pub including workshop owners, engineers, mechanics, sales, car owners and also the press which gave me the most pressure. Surprisingly the seminar turn out to be extremely successful.

In order to thank my efforts, the Porsche specialist brought me to the same bar to 'give me a treat'. He insisted that I must get a girl which I politely declined even though to him it sounds offensive. He insistantly pushed another girl to me. This girl however was not able to engage me in conversation and within 5 mins popped the question which scare the living daylights out of me. "Do you want to go to the VIP room." I told the head of sales about it and he insisted "If you don't like we can always change the girl." His statement made me feel like I'm really a bas-tard who treats girls like some goods with warranty. I told him I don't want. But he insisted that this is my final night and I must give the client face by enjoying the evening to the fullest. The client is paying and it is an insult to him if I were to be so calculative over such business entertainment.

It was at this moment when I gave him my answer. Little did I know that my decision will bring about some changes towards the way I view things ... ...

I told the head of sales, "I'd rather have N here. at least we can really communicate." Immediately, he turned to the Porsche Specialist and mumbled something to him amidst the noisy background music with girls clad only in see through bra and underwear walking on the cat walk stage spilled across the hall.

Then I fled to the toilet. I stayed in the toilet for quite a while without realising that I was already having numb thighs over the toilet bowl. After I got out, I went back to the table hoping to see the seat occupied by the girl earlier beside mine empty. It was indeed empty. But when I approached further, I realised that the seat on the right which was initially empty was seated by a girl with hair slightly beyond shoulder length. The whole area was poorly lit and noisy with the loud music blasting away. Surprisingly, when I reached the table and saw N turning around to me, I didn't know why but felt delighted instead.

"Hi!" I remember I greeted her warmly. And sat down beside her and didn't mind her sitting nearer to me this time round. Immediately I told her about her friend who scared the sh*t out of me; literally.

We started to chat and while we couldn't stand the loud music that seems to drown every bit of our talk. I suggested to go to the VIP room instead.

A room was arranged quickly and we entered the room on the first floor. Once inside the room, one of the attendants immediately asked "Sir, do you want condom?"

Startled by the ghastly straightforward question, I didn't know what to answer. So I gave the attendant 500peso to leave. N then sat beside me and from her mesmerizing eyes, I could sense the delight in her. And then she asked me a question which I wasn't able to fathom the reason behind it. "You er... I ask you 1 question you don't tell your friend, ok?"
I gave my obligations without questioning.

"You in Singapore got wife?"

The question left me in absolute shock. Stunned and dumbfounded. Up till today I was still wondering what was the reason she asked that for. Was she trying to hint me that she's interested in me? Or was she trying to find out whether married men always fool around when they have a little money or on men only business trips?

While still dumbfounded, the attendant returned. And this time he returned with a menacing agenda. He brought back a packet of condom!! He has mistaken the 500peso tip I gave him to leave me alone as the money to pay for the condom!!!

This is simply ghastly... I was stuck in the situation with a girl asking me a question which really left me pondering about her certain affections to me. On the other hand with a packet of condom on the table and an attendant looking at me innocently...

Then N asked whether do I need some hot towel and I instantly replied yes and the attendant wanted to calculate the remaining 400peso with me on how much change must he give me. I told him to keep the change and go.

Returning to the sofa this time I started to chat about her family. Days ago when I first met her, I asked her about her family but she said it's a secret and kept mum about her family.

But this time, she started to spill some info about her family member. She told me that she has 4 persons staying in her apartment in Manila in Ortiga QC. Her mother, younger brother and younger sister. It was at this moment when I realised that she is lifting most guard off. Her brother is sick but she didn't reveal or I'd say was unable to express in English what's wrong with her brother's sickness. Her younger sister is only 16 and still schooling. And her mother is not working. But when I asked about her father, she'd just pretend not to hear. Just mention that he is not with her now. In my opinion, I think her father may have dumped her family or they have moved out to flee from him. She originally does not stay in Manila.

The attendant returned and passed me the towel and left.

I also asked whether she came to work in Mystique on her own accord. Her reply was positive. Just as I expected. N's mother does not know that she is working as a prostitute. She lied to her mother that she's working in a casino. As she gradually shed light to her predicament, I finally realised her condition. My heart was filled with pangs. An absolutely stunning girl like her could be poised by circumstances to work in a bar selling her body to be multilated by men whom she hardly know for money in order to take care of her brother, sister and mother. I have always seen truely pathetic people on television but never had the opportunity to know and come into contact with a real one in life.

Even though I really had the urge to make out with her as the condom was still on the table & she has an irresistable appearance. But I really felt I don't have the heart to do it.

"Do you treat me as your customer or friend?" I asked her.

She hesitated and replied "Friend" without much confidence.

I told her firmly that I hope that she treats me like a friend and as a friend, I want to show her respect by not forcing myself on her. Some may ask. How am I forcing myself on her when I am a paying customer. But it is exactly this point when I am forcing myself on her because I can afford to pay. This definately crushes her already battered integrity.

We continued to chat till the bar closed. As I peered through the curtain, I saw men packing up the chairs by inverting them over the tables, music off, lights on. I told N that we should be leaving too. I held her hand and we walked to the table where B (my head of sales) was seated at. I asked him where's M? (M= the Porsche Specialist). He shrugged. Within minutes, M came to the table and N started to communicate to him in Tagalog and walked away for a while. M then told me. "N knows tomorrow is your last day and she wants to have lunch with us tomorrow and see you off the flight."

Excited by this pleasant surprised, my eyes lit up in delight. N came back shortly and then told me that she's leaving with me. So she asked me to wait for her outside. She went back to the room to get changed while M, B and myself walked outside. It was already 4 in the morning. But the streets of Ortiga was filled with traffic like as though everyone were preparing to go to work on a Friday morning.

But what caught my attention wasn't the traffic but the overwhelming number of beggars surrounding the 3 of us. I looked at how scorched, worn scorned the beggars looked. A ghastly sight which I have never see in singapore from the day I was born.

I spoke to B in Mandarin that I am really shocked by the number of beggars on the streets. And about N's predicament. I also commented that many Singaporeans have no idea how fortunate they are in Singapore where we can complain of ERP & taste of food when these people do not even know whether they will have their next meal. My heart really bled for them and as much as I wanted to spare them some money, I knew I couldn't. If I gave one of them, the rest will swarm towards me. Given their numbers, the 3 of us will be easily outnumbered by 1:10

The torment of seeing the beggars ceased when N finally came out of the bar and got into M's car.

Then I realised, she's coming to the hotel with me...

Upon getting into M's car, I tried to re arrange my lap top and projector spewed acrossed the back seat of his BMW. N sat on near side of the car while I sat on the off side with the center empty. But before we headed back to the hotel, M & B played the worst prank that ever anyone had played on me.

All I knew was that M drove to a large roundabout and stopped at the road side. A tanned old man grabbed a girl and moved quickly to his car. Yelling in Tagalog, I could not decipher what they were saying. But based on the circumstances, it seemed like they were in the 'Geylang' of Ortiga. M asked whether do I want any of them jokingly. But it wasn't funny. With the window down, N was also looking out curiously like any late teenage girls will.

B and M were laughing to their heart's content when I was freaking out in the car.

After the little commotion, we drove off, only to witness the aftermath of being freaked off by the Philippines sex industry.

Having N in the backseat with me seemed very embarressed. So was N. We didn't talk inside the car while B and M kept pullin our legs by poking fun at the both of us. Making remarks that N must service me well, I like N very much that's why I went to look for her again etc etc.

The hotel that we were staying was a 4.5 star luxurious hotel. Spacious and comfortable. Upon reaching the front porch, the bellboys rushed forward to open our doors and carried my lap top and projectors. Ushered us to the security counter for checking of firemans. N had to register herself on a book as she wasn't a guest in the hotel.

N and I smiled to each other with mutual understanding that it's part of the customary security process and she filled up the book. While we walked up the stairs to the lift, B started to remark, "Although she's a very nice girl, but still you must keep your wallet and expensive things in the safe." I nodded in acknowledgement of his advise and he proceeded to tease me again, "Do you have your rain coat ready?"

"Why we must have sex and not chat instead?" I asked B. but he smiled instead as though he was expressing 'All men are the same'.

We took the elevator up to the 12th floor and bade good night to B when we reached our room first. When N stepped into my hotel room, I was suddenly reminded the mess I left the room to be earlier when I left. All my underwear which I washed in the hotel toilet was spewed all over the big armchair like an undergarment exhibition. Filled with embaressment, I grabbed them and stuffed them into my luggage trolley.

"Sorry, men's room, so very messy." I tried to explain.
"It's OK..." N replied. She placed her bag on the other armchair nearer to the king size bed and went into the toilet. Within seconds, I heard a loud bang coming from the toilet.

Startled, I rushed into the toilet to check what happened, what greeted me was really blood pumping embaressment...

As I stood at the door, I looked across the toilet and saw N almost naked in her undergarments. She was trying to sit on the toilet bowl. Of course, she will bent down slightly to fit into the curvature of the toilet bowl structure revealing her perfectly sculpted assets. The size were just so fitting for her body frame and the proportions were just too well engineered by God.

"sorry", she said with a little apologetic tone. Apparently her hands slipped off the toilet bowl cover when she was trying to put the cover down.

Filled with embaressment, I also apologised and quickly closed the door and walked away. Instantaneously, I realised what a moron I was. I could've knocked on the door and asked what happened even though it wasn't locked.

I hear N bathing in the toilet and I thought. 'Is that it? Are we really going to do it here on the last night of my first trip to philippines? Aren't we supposed to be friends?' I was torn from limb to limb emotionally. One side of me was telling me that N has the looks and figure to die for. Gentle, domesticated, polite. And what was I waiting for? for sun rise?! Meanwhile on the other hand, I was reminded that N has to stoop to this not because she wanted it. And I must not take advantage of her since I openly declared to her that I want to be her friend and not a paying customer.

Ambiguous, hugely contrasting, undecided...

And N came out of the shower clad only in bath robe. I could feel a throbbing sensation reminding me that my biological requirements were in need of rejuvenation.

And so, I grabbed my clothes and fled into the toilet, closed it and sat on the toilet bowl. I felt my heart beating fast and asked myself. 'Are all men the same?'

Cleared my bowels and showered. Clothed casually as I were to be at home, I came out of the shower. And there I saw N sitting on the bed looking at her handphone with some message alerts before hand.

I went over to the other side and I asked her, "your mother?"

"No, my friend." N replied with her killer smile again.

"So... did you tell your friend that you are with a friend or customer?" I asked.

"Friend." She replied with more confidence now.
I moved over closer and told her. "I don't want to be your customer. I want to be your friend. And being your friend it means I cannot force myself on you or do anything to hurt you."

N seemed to be unable to comprehend my slightly slanged English with more than usual vocabulary thanks to spending 8 hours a day with the Caucasians in the office. She then turned her phone and started to show me photos in her phone.

"This is me without make up." She said in a smile. Well.. they look the same like the one I see beside me now, just as attractive.

Then she scrolled to the next photo, "My sister." I asked her about her sister's age and she replied 16. And she's still schooling. Of course, there's no question who's paying for her sister's school fees. Then she scrolled a few photos showing her hugging her sister in affectionate sisterhood positions. Eventually coming to a photo of a young man. This young man look sick. Just like how you will describe a drug addict.

I was expecting her to say that he's her bf or sort of that.
"My brother." N introduced.

I was taken by surprise. I went on to ask her how old is her brother and she replied 18. "He is sick." N said. Well.. judging from the photos, it was extremely obvious that he's probably suffering from some chronic illness or simply suffering from severe malnutrition.

Further scrolling showed a picture of her father whom she briefly mentioned, "My father" and changed the photo. She showed my other pictures of the Philippino Segala tradition in her village. She explains that this is a form of parade when the church in her village will appoint a single man and woman in their youth to don clothings of extreme aesthetic attraction and parade around the village. I do not know the exact reason for the practice. But she looked stunning in the pictures. Her male escort was her cousin.

She went on to feature many gay friends. Men in women's apparels and make up which looked really revolting. And I am really amazed at how innocent she was. Absolutely no discrimination towards any form of human beings.

The rich, the poor and the gay are all her friends. By now, I was utterly ashamed of myself...

Back in Singapore, we think we’re the wealthiest nation, most highly educate beings in the region. But we suck up to the Americans and bow to the Europeans. Our SPG is an entire disgrace. There’re those who despise motorcyclists, look down upon those who only have a diploma. Outcast the ex jail-birds, laugh at the homosexuals, Stamping a 2B rider with a class 2 bike, Giving the ‘you are the loser look’ when you stare at a Suzuki swift from a Ferrari. You name it all… And here is a girl in her late teens and she sacrifices herself by working in the lowliest of all lowliest professions to feed her unemployed mother, sick brother and schooling sister. Even with some of my achievements, I really feel like belittling myself compared to this young Philippino girl.

Here I am complaining that I need a faster car and looking at the 100K range as being affordable, while N belongs to the group who has to squeeze in a jeepney before she started working in the bar. My colleagues complained that the restaurant is full and we should’ve made reservations while many people over there hope to have a crowded restaurant so that there will be more left over scrimps in the rubbish bin for them to scrape!

Many of our Singaporeans here simply have no idea how fortunate we are in this little authocratic island whereby ERP springs up every now and then because it will add up the operational costs of our cars and bikes. Even though I am not a PAP supporter, yet I cannot deny that the PAP led by our forefathers had done an amazing job in sculpting the economic landscape that we have today.

I couldn’t hold it any longer and felt tears slowly welling up my eyes. As men, I did my best to fight back my tears. I got up from the bed and walked to my bag and retrieved my wallet. Took out 3500pesos and tried to stuff it into her bag.

N asked, “What are you doing? What are you putting inside?”

I replied, “It’s money. Heck, it’s not that much, only 3500peso. And don’t ask so much questions.”

“No… but we no have sex…” N said.

“No way, we’re friends, and I want to respect you by not forcing myself on you because you are my friend.”

“No… but we no have sex…” N persisted but I did not relent.

I went beside her and told her the reason why I ignored her. And my discrimination towards people who work in this part of the service industry. I explained that after a while I thought she was there because she had to support her family or her husband and bf and not there just to dig more money to add on to her wealth like the PRC.

When she heard about husband and bf, she immediately protested the claim, “No no… I got no husband and bf. If I have husband and bf, I will not work here.” She paused, “But I don’t want to have a husband or bf.”

We continued to chat until the sun came up when N finally fell asleep. I remembered that N said she must be home by 6:30am or else her mother will ask as she’s ignorant of N’s current profession. But she’s making an exception for me. It’s already 7 am and she’s still sleeping. I looked at her sleep on the bed and many thoughts raced acrossed my mind. I gazed across the slit between the curtains overlooking at the landscape of the Philippino capital. I wonder how many people like N exists in this country. Probably too many to keep track of.

The rich in Philippines are mainly the Chinese who originated from Fujian and have assimilated into the Philippino culture. These rich are the filthy rich. One of my client’s client who buys my products for his personal car owns a X5 and employs a Philipino chauffer to drive him around. Another owns a 997 and runs a multimillion business selling something called ‘halo halo’ (Hopefully the spelling is right). However those who do not possess a sound business mentality will not be able even find the right career route to feed his family. An executive there earns only a quarter to half of what Singaporeans do. Don’t talk about changing into Michelin tyres and complaining about the Pirelli supercorsa is too expensive. Because they have no 600cc to begin with. My conversations with M, with another major customer from the commercial vehicle industry, with N all unanimously accused that the problem lies in the corruption. Philippines is a living example how corruption can ruin a nation.

As these thoughts went on, the weariness sets in and I dozed off on the arm chair.

Out of a sudden, I was awakened by N. She was definitely swearing in Tagalog over something and kept apologizing profusely. I took a good look and realized why…

Her menses has arrived and she has stained the bed with it. She rushed to the toilet to deal with it. Another heart wrenching fact sets in. What about the times when these girls are having their menses? Do they still only earn the 50peso on the orange juice? The amount of income depends on that hole below which basically docks for servicing once a month for 20% of the operational time. And what do they eat during then. I cannot imagine the sight of some men who mind the mess will hit the roof if they are being served by a girl who’s undergoing biological re-structuring.

N got up from the bed and in doing so, her robe slit opened and revealed what lies underneath. For the first time, I see her in the nude. With absolutely no defects on her slim and well proportioned to die for body. Coupled with an aesthetically stunning face and especially her mesmerizing eyes. But even so, I was unable to have any heart to do anything. She is my friend now. And no matter how prepared or willing she was, I don’t want to do anything to degrade her integrity when she’s with me.

N apologized profusely but I kept assuring that it is fine. I really didn’t have the heart to blame her at all. She packs her stuffs and said she needs to go back home to let her mum see her at least once to be at ease. I agreed and asked how is she going to go home. She said she’s going to take a cab and I stuffed her another 100Peso for the fare home.

Now some may wonder why 100Peso? Just days ago during one of my trips to conduct seminars, one of the cabbie tried to rip B and myself off by demanding for 200Peso. B was pissed and told the cabbie to use the meter instead. The latter reluctantly used it but tried to convince us that the road is jammed and difficult to travel. The fare came up to about 70peso. Which is about SG$2.00. The distance covered was about a good 20mins. Compare this with the fare we’re paying in Singapore. The cabbies earn a miserable 20% of what our cabbies earn in Singapore. Considering the higher cost of fuel and operation costs (Petrol in Philippines costs also about SG$2.00/L). Their cabs were absolutely cra-p. Air conditioner was not working, vehicle has no working suspensions, seats were moldy and uncleaned perhaps since the car was bought.

Before N left, I asked will I get to see her later during lunch and before my flight. She said she will try her best. After she left, I don’t know why by felt a sense of lonliness. N has really started to matter in my heart. No matter what, she is the first friend I made outside the boundaries of business.

With her away, I went back to sleep and did not wake up till 10:30am. Absolutely worn out, I still couldn’t deny the fact it’s close to 11am. M will be coming to fetch both B and myself for lunch and some shopping on our last day before flying. I also did not harbour any hopes that N will come given the fact she went home merely 2 hours ago.

At 11am, I called B who’s staying 2 rooms away and said I am ready to leave. He told me M will be late. And he’s still driving on the road. I was expecting that since we all had a long night. And it will be unwise to blame my client for being late. He has every right to be.

I packed my luggage, pulled my trolley bag to B’s room and sat down. Waited for M to call. Occasionally I’d slip into a brief sleep in order to catch up with the rest I didn’t take. The call didn’t come until close to 12pm. M called and he said he will arrive in the next 10 minutes. B and myself grabbed our packed stuffs and quickly went downstairs to check out. The bill came up to about a grand in Singapore dollars for each of us. I can afford to stay in Shangri –la over the weekend and yet not spend too much that eats into my buffer. But an average Philipino will never be able to accommodate such a livery. 5 days in this hotel will cost an average executive his entire month’s salary.
As we dragged out feet to the front porch, I saw M’s vehicle a mini bus and not his car has arrived. In Philippines, there’s a very stupid ruling. On Monday, if the last digit of your number plate ends with 1 and 2, you are not allowed to drive that vehicle. On Tuesday, if the last digit of your number plate ends with a 3 and 4, you are not allowed to drive that vehicle and so on. This is done to control the number of cars on the road. Therefore those who own cars will simply buy another car and add on to the jam. Political policies that comes from a corrupted inefficient government.

While B and myself stowed our luggages into the rear compartment of M’s mini bus, I saw someone else sitting inside the minibus. I went forth to take a look and saw…

… N sitting inside. She greeted me warmly and I couldn’t help it but feel extremely delighted to see her.

“I thought you were not coming?” I asked but definitely delighted with her presence.

“uh? You don’t want me to come?” N replied.

“No no of course I want.” I said.

B started to tease, “Wow… what did you do to her last night? She don’t want to sleep and come over to meet you.”

I felt myself flushed with embaressment. N is a friend to me, but still I felt the sensational affections of being able to spend my last hours in Philippines with a friend like her. And it was at this time when I realized why was M late. He has went to pick N up amidst the jam. I really appreciated this gesture of kindness.

But the following hours became an even hurtful revelation for me as I started to decipher some of the hidden pains N has painstaking concealed.

On the way to lunch, I told N that I texted her twice but she didn’t reply. She said she didn’t receive and I confirmed the number. I later realized that I should’ve omitted the zero in front.

We travelled to the Philippines Seafood market to purchase live seafood and bring them to a restaurant to cook them. The seafood there was utterly water spitting fresh. Clams, Oysters, prawns and a fish were all purchased fresh. The Chinese seafood restaurant cooked the seafood supplied by M and the 4 of us started to tuck away. Even though B and myself knew that over eating oysters can lead to severe abdominal pains, we still went ahead and ate all available cheese oysters on the plate. Basically everything on the table was tantalizing delicious, especially outstanding was the barbequed oysters.
After that, we grabbed the mini bus and went to the Mall of Asia. Reputed to be able to dwarf our vivo city and suntec city. And indeed, the sheer area covered was impressive. As we walked into the building, B started to hunt for clothings for his 1 year old son.

While walking about, we came about a ice skating ring. N walked nearer and looked at that. “If I am not tired, I want to go there.” She remarked playfully. Instead of melting my heart with her concealed adolescence, I was gripped with continuous pangs in my heart. Here a girl who’s entitled to enjoy your late teens have decided to destroy it in order to feed her defenseless family. When she saw the sea outside, she said similar things as in wanting to swim. Likewise, it didn’t bode well for me. It was another cry of pain disguised in glee with numbness.

At the age of 20, our girls here are spending time selecting bf, worrying of having to stay single, meeting with friends in shopping arcades, studying for a degree/diploma. But N has to stoop to become a member in the sex industry in order to make ends meet for her whole family.

While we walked in the Mall of Asia, I noticed that N is a heads turner. Many men turned to look at her. Her stunning aesthetically appealing appearance instead of being an asset became the very asset that led her to dwell in the mire. All for the love of her family.

The previous night, I told her that her sister is young and schooling. So N must do whatever she can to ensure that her sister does not fall into this trade too. She agreed and emphasised again that no one in her family knows about what she's doing.

After searching for shops for baby clothes for B’s son in vain, we finally went to one of those deeper into the mall. As B came out, N couldn't take it any longer and said to me. “I want to have a baby and give my baby many dress to wear.”

This was directly indicating that N yearned to have a family despite her condition. But earlier in the night, she said that she didn’t want to get married nor have a boyfriend. Deep in my heart, I knew that she understands her condition and it will take more than a man to accept her as his other half. And so she cheats herself by telling herself that she doesn’t want to get attached or married. This is done in order that she will not think of having a child. She has to cheat herself in order to numb herself and forget about the basic pleasures of a woman; having a family.

This fact really struck me down. I was totally dumbfounded for moments. I have never expected that this trip although was a trip whereby I teach people about vehicles. But yet N taught me about the truly sympathetic life of the poor in Philippines. In doing so, she also indirectly highlights the fortune Singaporeans have over here in this little red dot.

As time ticked by, we headed off to the minibus. While inside, N and I were seated in the rear. I held on to her hand. I felt like crying but holding the tears in my eyes. What is great about this girl is her willingness as the eldest sister to sacrifice herself by ruining her life in order to give her siblings and her mother a life.

How many of us here who has been following the story up till now are willing to do that? I doubt there will even be 1.

Appreciate your family, appreciate Singapore. Because barely 3.5 hours of flight away, there’re many people who don’t even have an opportunity to appreciate.

Thank you for reading this story. And for fellow friends who visit the poorer nations and happen to chance upon a sexual transaction with a girl. Think about the family behind her pathetic background. If we need to screw her so that we can help the family have the next meal on the table, then we’re nothing more than scumbags who take advantage of the weak. Engage the girl in other activities and pay her generously with our powerful currency, do not trash her already battered integrity.

As for N, before we reached the airport, I took out my remaining 1000peso and stuffed into her wallet fully aware that given her condition today, she will not be going back to work tonight. When I reached the air port, I really couldn't bear to leave her. I held onto her hands and she leans forward and kissed me on my lips. A forbidden act which denotes the display of affections. I knew we're now truly friends. I could see from her eyes that there was a sense of helplessness with my impending departure.

I stepped out of the mini bus with immense pain and reluctance. While unloading my luggages, I could still see N looking at me from the cabin. I entered into the Manila air port departure hall filled with emotions. But I know fully well I will come back again one day. By then, I hope that she has found her way out of the sex industry to resume a normal life again. One thing for sure. So long I live, I will never forget her.

(THE END)

2008-07-19T01:16:00.002+08:00

Napfa is coming and I am training like a mad man! Never in my life had I ever ran constantly every alternate days! But the good new is that I am improving as I train. 1 week ago, I cant even complete 1.8km and slowly I am completing 2.4 in 14 mins, 13 mins till the current record of 12 mins 30 secs! Hurray for me! My aim right now will be 11 mins where I am safely in the gold medal zone :)

Another worry for me is my standing broad jump. I have to jump 2.13m to get 1 point! Right now I can only jump up till 2.05m only! How to train for this station? I really new help on this!

The other 4 stations should be a piece of cake for me... Seat-up I can see myself getting 4 point, Pull up 5 point, Seat&Reach 5 point, Shutter Run 4 points. That is the target I set for myself currently.

I finally did some DIY on my bike! Shall post pictures soon to appreciate it myself :P

SBF

2008-07-13T16:55:00.003+08:00

I just registered to attend

Singapore Bike Fest 2008

Will be going there with Cynthia to look see look see. Riding there in a convoy therefore it could be an unforgettable experience for me :)

Before I go, must polish my bike until nice nice and if I got the money, I could buy a few modification items like:

Cost - $60

Cost - $90

Cost - $90?

And it will be nice if there is a matching...

Cost - $100

that would be the front look of my phantom...

for the back, I am really eyeing a sissy bar aka back rest... which looks something like this...

Cost - $100?

I have been waiting for this sissy bar from Ah Koon for months! Stock still haven arrive yet! From the time where I have money till the time I do not have any left.

So with this, I hope my good friends (JM, ALOY ar),
give me a belated or advance birthday present so that I can join the convoy with pride that at least my ride is not an uncle bike... :)

Sigh, so my budget need to be around 500 to achieve that look :(

btw, if you dunno how my bike look, there is a preview...

heez

A decision I made...

2008-07-12T14:52:00.003+08:00

I'm saving this post as a draft. Maybe 5 months on or so, I will just publish this post maybe after December or March. Why? Maybe this period is the time for me to experience all the disappointment which I had felt for the past 3 years.

Somehow, some way or another, I feel that you are not the one who is able to provide me with happiness. What I had desired for 3 years how much was given to me? Material wants, intangible wants, emotional wants?

Maybe I can say that I am a greedy person. What I have given, I demand something in return. But surely, after what that I had already given, I deserve more than the treatment I am currently receiving.

And then again? Why am I having such thoughts? There is actually someone who practically place herself at my doorsteps confessing her feelings to me and hoping that I can be with her. I rejected her approach. I had been unfaithful in the past and I promise in order to maintain my relationship, I shall be unfaithful no more and that was exactly what I did.

All along, I knew that given my calibre, I could easily get someone better than you. This was what that had been told by many of my peers. But I was not influence by these comments! Foolishly or naively, all continue to offer my love to you with all my heart. But, to a certain degree, happiness was lacking in this relationship although I could tell that you really love me with all your heart as well.

I'm sure by this time, you already know that I always ranked happiness as my no.1 priority in a relationship. So what for continue on a relationship when there isn't happiness?

So, with this piece of statement, I made a decision. If I were to be disappointed one more time, a break-up is definitely one of my options. I'm not unreasonable to the extent that once I got disappointed then its over. For the upcoming two special ocassions for the both my birthday and our 4 year anniversary. Maybe this will be the day to make or break our relationship.

Once I publish this post, I will inform you.

Wintertime

2008-06-29T22:26:00.002+08:00

Today's the last day of my work. I do not know why I got so emotional today (not cry and cry tat type la!)

All my thoughts were about the 2 years plus I had been working there. To be honest, some of my most enjoyable time was in WinterTime.

Why I enjoyed my time there, let me list it down...
1) It is a place for me to clear my thoughts and ponder about what course of action should I be taking.
2) It is a stepping stone for me to break the communication uncomfortability.
3) Colleagues you can give advice and share jokes.

Yes, I have just listed down 3 things. But all this factors really mould me into what I am today. In the past, I am that shy boy who have problems communication with others. And to think back, I only started to become more outspoken after I got involve in a relationship and got the sales job.

I think I can safely ask anybody who know me in my secondary school days, they will most probably say that I am a quiet guy who do not talk much especially to girls. Since my job is full of female colleagues, I have no choice to interact with them, leading to my ability to conquer my shyness with females. By having my girlfriend by my side plays a big part as well.

Haha... Got flashback on some laughable moments, unhappy moments. Haha.. Sigh.. I do not know what to say but I think I will definitely miss working in such a fun environment.

-

2008-06-27T20:26:00.002+08:00

Common Test results all gotten back lei... Quite please with my results..

MA2 - A
AFA - A+
TAX - A+
CLAW - A
AUDIT - A+

Happy Happy... but could have done better without all the careless mistakes... So...

4.0!!!!

Here I COME!!!

quiz

2008-06-27T20:06:00.003+08:00

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs.
B) Tag as many friends as you can to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.
C) Continue this game by sending it to other people.

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Ans: Hmm... need to see whether i had dig out all possible benefit from my 'lover' first :)

#2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Ans: Be rich without feeling any stress/pressure

#3. What will your dream wedding to be like?
Ans: > As simple as possible with all my close one with a beautiful sexy wife

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Ans: Career path. Auditor or a finance officer?

#5. what's your ideal lover like?
Ans: Pretty, Sexy, Passionate, Faithful, Able to cook, Intelligence must not be too far away from me and have B or C cup :):):)

#6. What is more blessed? Loving someone or being loved by someone?both?
Ans: Loved by someone ba... loving someone den i need to offer something while someone who love you will be willing to offer anything to me :)

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Ans: Wait? I'm impaitient lei.. Need the person wait for me :)

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Ans: Friend friend first lor... see future got chance anot ;p

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Ans: Family issue.

#10. Is being tagged fun?
Ans: Irritating.. have to do the stupid quiz.

#11. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
Ans: Successful with a good career and a loving wife. I want to marry early.

#12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Ans: Mother and GF? not much pple close to me :(

#13. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
Ans: irritating person

#14. Would you rather be rich and single or married but poor?
Ans: Neither.. I wana be rich and married.

#15. What's the first thing you do every morning?
Ans: Lying on my bed

#16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Ans: Yes

#17. If you fall in love with 2 people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Ans: The one who I have the hp no. :)

#18. What type of friends do you like?
Ans: honest and loyal friends

#19. What type of friends do you dislike?
Ans: those who like to kbkb and shoot cannon

TAGGED BY :
Cynthia

whom i tagged:
N.A.

-

2008-06-19T20:17:00.002+08:00

It never cease to amaze me how much I can tolerate my temper infront of my friends and yet turn into a monster into a monster infront of the 2 closest person in my life.

I had a quarrel with my mother today. I told her she is too money-minded for some reasons. Soon, ugly scene start to unfold. She say I am money-minded as well! She quote an extremely stupid example "you also money-minded... everytime go eat you straight away say money money..." I was totally pissed off. I worked for 2 years plus earning allowance for myself all this time. Only in circumstances where I really am unable to come up with money do I approach you for money. There are many times when I totally do not have a single cent and yet I did not approach you!

Maybe my reply was too harsh. I reminded her that I had been working for a living and most of my friends who are still students do not have to work but instead can get allowance regularly from their parents.
Her reply: "Other people can get allowance because their father work and are well off"
Mine reply: "There are also other people whose father go play around and yet still getting allowance from their parents"

And here is another point I like to emphasis!
IT IS NOT ME WHO WANT A FATHER LIKE THIS! SO DUN FUCKING BLAME ME FOR YOU MARRYING A MAN WHO DO NOT SUPPORT YOU!

To be honest, I really envy most of my friends, especially those with complete family. I think I can safely say that I have not enjoyed fatherly love since the day I was born. And yes I do enjoyed motherly love BUT please apply your love in a more caring way instead of constantly nagging and being sacastic!

Damn pissed off now! I think I hate the most is being blamed for something I do not do and in which I have no control over. So the reason I am angry:
1) You are the one who choose the marry your husband so dun blame me for the things he done!
2) I am not money-minded! Yes, I could be but I had never eyed your fortune in the first place!
3) Dun keep using our family to compare with other families! Our is not really a family anyway!

(cold war)

-

2008-06-18T20:38:00.000+08:00

Updates on the bangkok trip.

Stayed at baiyoke suite hotel. The hotel overall is good. The location, room size and hotel services. But one thing I do not like about the hotel is the smell of old furniture in the room. Really strange small.

And in this hotel, it was my first experience eating breakfast on the 43rd level!

Next, the airline which I had taken, Airasia. I feel that budget airplane has been under-rated. For the length of my leg, I can say that the leg space is sufficient. The take-off and landing was also quite pleasant. No jerking was felt during the course of the flight either.

What I like about Bangkok.
1) The street food! Although some of my friends warned me about eating their street food(will kanna stomach pain) but I still proceeded on anyway. The street food I has tasted are chicken rice, wanton mee, fishball mee, roti panta(fav), grilled/bbq prawn(big), deep fried fish/chicken, bbq chicken wing, bbq pork/chicken meat/organ, fresh seafood and some fruits.

The other food I tried was this particular restaurant. I must say that the food is rather good :)

and my childhood favorite drink! Wahahaha

Other than eating, I shopped :) Didn't take photo of my purchase ar. The stuff is damn cheap! T-shirt 3 for S$10!!! But I really regret not buying more at their weekend market.

Taxi driver are &#$%^%$! Trying to scam us of our money all the time! So it is a must to request the driver to go by meter! Tuk Tuk is fun but it is dangerous as well.

Overall! I will say bangkok is worth the visit :)

-

2008-05-19T13:57:00.002+08:00

I remember when I graduated from QTSS and got my excellent results, one of my thoughts was that if I joined Accountancy, I will be in a group of elites from different schools in Singapore. Something which I was uncomfortable with initially. However, 2 years down the road, I am still one of the elites among the elites! Is my statement confusing? Basically, when I entered into Ngee Ann, I do not expect to maintain my standing as one of the best which is fortunately that I had proved myself wrong.

But now, I am thinking of exactly the same scenario which haunted me in the past. If I were to enter into NTU, I will still be among elites. Will I still be able to stand out? The competition in Ngee Ann is far different from in NTU. In NTU, my course will most probably be filled with students who did fantastically well in their A levels. Will I be submerge by the pressure? Only time will tell. Maybe I cannot even get into NTU.

Furthermore, I really cannot predict how my future will be like. I am after wealth and happiness which unfortunately do not goes hand in hand usually. Long working hours will be expected from me and that will mean hours loss for family and love life. I feel that my plans to marry and have children before 30 years old seems very brittle now. After I graduated from Ngee Ann, Army and possibly NTU, I will be 25 when I enter into the workforce. To have a happier marriage, it is better to establish myself in my career so as to enjoy financial stability which requires among 5 to 10 years. By that time, I will be 30 plus! This is food for thought to those who had not planned for the future.

Lastly, Bangkok trip next month! I am expecting a enjoyable, romantic trip to help me relax and rebuilt what that is slowly sipping away.

-

2008-04-23T19:09:00.002+08:00

This entry my be blunt by this is honestly how I feel...

For the first time in my 3 year relationship, I felt...

1)emptiness - just like there wasn't anything in the relationship. No communication, no understanding.

2)loneliness - no special one to share my feelings with

3)irritated - this could be due to my high expectation but i really do feel the other party should understand how i operates and what i want. Then again, there is an element of selfishness here.

____________________________________________________________________

Why will I want to say all those stuff? I got my reasons...

Firstly, i said that there is no communication. Why? Simply lack of communication. The only form of communication between two of us right now is "I reach home lei" & "I go sleep lei". I got alot of things I wanted to share by yet had been still kept within myself. Such as topics regarding my new class, the accidently involving my motorcycle was not even communicated to you. Right know, all I know about you is what time you reach home and what time you are going to sleep. Busy could be a wonderful excuse but it can also be a extremely good excuse to break off all relation as well.

Secondly, there is no understanding. Both of us are simply to apathetic to consider the other parties' feeling. Such as I do not give a damn to what you are doing and vice versa. Even in the past when I did something wrong, I will still think of you and realised the deed which I had done is wrong. What is happening now is that you do what you want and i do what i want.

Thirdly, loneliness. I do not know why I have that feeling but I just guess I do miss you. It could be attention from you that I am missing.

Lastly, it is a common knowledge that I get easily irritated by stuff. I just give a random example.
1)We were talking on MSN discussing on some topics and suddenly you go MIA. If thats the case, what for you want to talk to me anyway? I do not want to keep looking into your conversation window like and idiot and get no replies. We all got better stuff to do.
There are alot of incident which left me irritated but mostly are forgotten. This doesn't mean I forgive and forget.

With everything said and done, I really hope the trip in June will improve our relationship significantly. Every small little things to be done in a r/s counts. I was reading blogs which gave events on how girls does thoughtful and romantic stuff to guys, something which I am not afraid to disclose that I am envious of.

-

2008-03-29T13:26:00.001+08:00

I am immature :)

Why I am always paranoid?

2008-03-27T13:10:00.002+08:00

What makes me to feel paranoia? Ever since young, I had been expose to all sort of unhappy events. Not only from my family and even from friends. I had always wondered by some people get to live such blessful life which I had been deprived off. I grew up feeling the world was unfair.

Furthermore, I totally do not agree with the chinese proverb: "hao xin hui you hao bao". Why? Again, some real life examples will be best to explain my belief.
1) If I helps an average student with their work, what will I get in return? They will most probably approach me for more help in future.
2) If I had pamper someone so that they will be happy, the most probably results is spoiling them instead of them appreciating what you had done.
3) If I were to donate to the needy, will they know that I had been donating to them? And based on scientific fact, by donating more money will not increase my luck of winning Toto, 4D.

I'm not saving that doing good acts will not be good. There can be tangible and intangible benefit. Sometimes, when I help people, I do feel good. I feel that doing good act should be totally out of goodwill and not for any benefit. However, that do not seems to be the case. Largely, people do good acts just to get "hao bao" in return.

3 years

2008-03-26T23:36:00.003+08:00

Today was definitely not one of the best annivesary I ever had.

Anyway, not be be a sour juice...

To: Cynthia

HAPPY 3 YEAR

Hope you like my gift...

And hope to receive yr gift soon...

-

2008-03-09T00:07:00.002+08:00

As people says, the person who know you the best is yourself.

Strangly, I do not find it true for me. I feel that I do not understand myself! Basically, what I understand about myself is that I have big ambition.

Sometimes, when I get emotional, I do not even know the reason for me feeling that way! The feelings just seems to go straight into my brain. Sometimes, my heart hurts for no apparent reason.

Another strange thing running through my mind is that I hoping for my father to be released soon. A family really need a man in order to function properly. The childhood of mine cannot be altered and I habour no hopes of having a happy family but I just hope that when he's back, he will take good care of the family and my mother.

Shucks... I do not even know what I am talking about. Maybe I am just dreaming. The present is too depressing for me now.

Political Me

2008-02-27T23:39:00.002+08:00

I have read quite alot of articles on the newspaper lately. I wun say that newspaper are only those English/GP A star wannabe as I had that mind-set in the past. I could say I was a "discriminatist" as I would discriminate everything that I do not like!

Oops, I mean I am still a "discriminatist" but not as much as in the past. (I was a good-for-nothing slacker in the past so there are alot of things that I dislike)

One of the articles I remember reading was something in the ST forum. Apparently, there was a letter posted by a parent saying that the Singapore education system does not caters to the average students. Firstly, what makes them average? There are alot of possibilities, namely they are lazy, playful, do not have long attention span or just basically have lot IQ. So what deserving stuff they have done to make them worthy? Even if the education system really caters to them, will that motivate them to do better? In my opinion, this privillege given to them will only be abused! Kid will take the education system for granted! So what will this leads to? Imagine specialised job such as auditors and doctors where there is ZERO-tolerance for error being given freely away to kids who just have to say "I wanna be this, I wanna be that." Will Singapore be able to retain her reputation as a business hub or medical hub? The cold hard truth is that if you aspire to be something, you can only work hard for it. If you are not up to standard, you just have to be satisfied with sub-standard.
(Its offensive but I really feel that people who really work hard deserves more than those who do not work hard and just keep whining)

Another issue that attracts my attention, improvement to the transportation system in Singapore to crub pollution and over congested roads. The only way that people will stop driving cars is that they do not have the money to afford/maintain one. Owning a car is not a simple issue as personal transportation. It a matter of status! What will it looks like when those people takes public transport instead of driving: Principals, CEOs, Ministers and Managers? Taking public transport makes them look like commoners, sharing buses with irritating school going childrens, boarding an MRT and imediately smelling fantastic aroma coming from someone's sweat. Singapore is a highly competitive country whereby status determines who is better. Let take 2 CEO for comparison, one of them drives a Lexus and the other takes taxi to work everyday. Surely the one driving will be deemed to be more successful although it might not be the fact. I feel that Singaporeans has this everything also must win attitude. If you take public transportation, you are a loser. Period! Solution? Ban the sale of cars in Singapore! (so that I can ride my motor on a car free road ;p)

-

2008-02-18T17:17:00.003+08:00

I do not know how to describe my feeling now...

Just feel like screaming, say vuglarities or hitting myself...

I try so hard, yet.... My retribution? Karma? laugh at pple say they study so hard and yet that is their results... now my turn... sigh...

Fuck that paper, the setter and my brain!

Wishes

2007-12-16T22:58:00.000+08:00

My birthday is coming soon! And what do I want for my birthday?

Oh ya, christmas is around the corner too! I do not mind if you guys wants to accumulate those two gift together and give me a more costly gift ;p

I will show the gift I want that have pictures first! =)

Firstly, I want a sunglasses! Too protect my poor eyes from the harmful rays of the sun! As you guys should know, more and more UV rays are penerating through the Ozone layer. Therefore, it is best that we protect our eyes! I do not want any sunglasses! I want this!

If you guys do not know what this sunglasses is, allow me the pleasure to infrom you! =) The frame of the sunglasses is made from the tyres of F1 racing cars! That sounds very cool isn't it? (Although I do not know what the fucking advantage the tyres of F1 cars give) I been eyeing this sunglasses for like 3 years? Oh!!! Someone please buy that for me!

If you guys do not know, I have gotten a motorcycle! So if there is anyone who is reading my blog concern about my safety, you have to buy me a helmet! A helmet is the only one and most important safety gear for any motorcyclist. Therefore, it is good to invest in a good helmet. I am kind enough to choose a cheaper helmet. I know there are helmets that costs $500 plus plus. This helmet is consider cheap!

And this helmet certainly matches the sunglasses! So if you guys really care about my well-being, please buy both for me! =)

Next, there are certain modification I would like to do to my bike. I would like to enchance the size of my motor using this...

which will make my motor look like this...

It looks really MAN rite! Not those small small 2B motorcycle but those Harley Davidson that type! I intent to buy the tank cover and have a good spray job on it. Cost roughly $200 to $400. Need to save it for it!

Next, I do not want to add a box to my motorcycle but I wanna add a rack to it for me to tie my stuff on it. It will be able to put all my shopping loot!

which will make my motor look like this!

There are many modification which I have in mind but this is all I can afford to think about now ;p

Now, back to my birthday present. Here are the list of non-pictorial items I desire.

1) A trip to Hong Kong

2) A wallet

3) A motorcycle Raincoat (top & bottoms)

4) Straight As (wif 4.0 GPA)

5) Good health for myself and my mother

6) A couple of shirts

7) A couple of Tees

8) Gmasking my phone

9) Osim Idesire

Thats around all the stuff I want... But seriously, all I have in mind right now is on modifying my bike! Modify modify modify! I need lots and lots of $$$!

Last weekend was my beloved's birthday! I wanted to come up with a big surprise for her but it turned out that what I had planned isn't able to turn out as planned. I was also having my common test so I hope I did gave her a happy birthday celebration! Hope she like the gift and the cake that I given her! =)

Last week was hell! But right now I am given the rightful and long overdue rest that I deserve so much! Imagine! Study, work, family, relationship, friends! So many things to juggle! Allowing me to sleep more than 9 hours nowadays is a luxury today! Wow! Come to think of it, I used to sleep for more than 9 hours frequently in the past!

Lastly, went on a major shopping spree yesterday. The main excuse for this spree is that my clothes are wet and I need dry clothes to prevent myself from getting a cold. Ended up buying 2 levis jeans and a levis shirt and a bag for my piggy. I got a total of 7 levis jeans now! If I am damn bo liao one day maybe I will take pictures of all 7 of them and post them on my blog! Thats all for now!

Ride safe! (Just reminding myself)

break-ups

2007-12-06T20:20:00.001+08:00

My opinion only...

I feel that people who are not compatible can be together! What is wrong with two completely different guy and girl being together? In my opinion, a relationship can last as long as it can be if both parties is happy in a relationship!

Then, there are many excuses why people break up...
1) New love
2) Not compatible
3) Too busy
4) Loss feelings
5) Tired of the r/s
6) Cannot stand some characteristic
7) Parents disapprove
8) Cannot commit to the r/s

Right now i cant think of more as i mind now is more focus towards my common test. But all i can say is that all those reason which are typically used in break-up is due to unhapiness!

Why do someone have to find a new lover if he/she is perfectly happy with the one he/she currently has?

Why will someone bother to think that they are not compartible with they are happy together? Those negative thoughts only comes when quarreling are occuring.

Too busy, this may not be due to happiness but the priority/selfishness of people...

I can go on and on and on... But i will stop here... my mind focus point here is that happiness is everything in a r/s... i do not mean that quarrel most be isolated from r/s as i know that it is impossible but what i mean is that the upsetting situation must not be too prolong. To me, i will seriously want to end it if i feel that i cant find any happiness out of a r/s...

p.s
there is a reason why i am writing this...

-

2007-11-30T21:47:00.000+08:00

I'm shocked, startled, speechless, upset, disappointed.

This basically sums up my feelings now.

Rantings

2007-11-25T09:26:00.000+08:00

Things has not been smooth sailing of late.

Arguments has taken its toll on me.

Assignment has left me hanging dry.

Sometimes I just feels so tired. The urge of dropping everything and just leave some quiet peaceful time by myself. No interuptions, no nags, no homeworks, no projects, no quarrels. All by myself and relaxing.

My friends told me something. I am a busy guy. It's like I will meet up with them and again disappear for a couple of months before they can see me again. My gal told me I am a busy guy. Everytime covering myself with duties and burying myself in homeworks. However, there is one thing that I am very certain. Those are the burdens that I would have to carry if I want to achieve what I aim!

A mother nagging at home certainly doesn't make things any better. Just when you feel you finally manage to add the final piece into a jigsaw, someone comes to you and yak yak yak yak, and the piece of jigsaw suddenly goes missing.

My gal also said I had changed, and I totally agree. In the past, when ever I had an arguement with you, there is a 100% chance that I will not be able to sleep well in the night. But now, the moment I hang up the phone or send the final sms, I would most probably be fast asleep within 10 minutes. Somehow, I do not feel anything special currently. Perhaps, I am just waiting for a miracle to make our feelings towards each other special. To be honest, I really been very patient waiting.

My wish now is to have at least 7 hours of sleep each day without compromising anything else. (Of coz my motorcycle still remains the priority!) =)

-

2007-11-09T23:41:00.000+08:00

I was kinda upset recently. But I learned something from it. Do not let anger take control of me. If I let anger overwhelm me, a lot of unpleasant things could happen. Not only would I be affected, my friends, family and close ones will be affected. Worse still, it could affect my health. I want to leave healthly to enjoy my old age. Thought I know my health has alot of problems now, I think my body has what it takes to fight off those problems.

Back to my anger. I decided on my own anger management technique. It may not be the best technique but I feel this would be the one that will suit me the best. Whenever I am angry, I should keep my bloody mouth shut! Foul languages will automatically roll out of my tongue when I am angry so it is best that the mouth is kept shut. I know the power of my mouth had made people cried.

Right now, I feel that some things is not working out well. I am really hoping that this matter will be worked out soon.

Lastly, I ranked my elective preferrences and my attachment work. I shall just list the first choice here. I choosen Mangerial Accounting 2 for my elective. This module is about decision making and stuff like that. Is what a manager in a finance department have to do. I hope that I can be a manager straight away after I graduate. But I think it is most probably fat hope. The attachment I choosen is an auditor. I think this career path is quite promising. I have to know the work of an accounting and yet have the knowledge of the auditor at the same time! An accountant only need to know the FRS. An auditor needs to know FRS & SSA!
(FRS = Financial Reporting Standards & SSA = Singapore Standards of Auditing)

Ironically, I have to share this news on my blog. Seems like I got nobody to share this information with. Oh ya... I may be shutting down my blog soon if I feel that this blog is worthless... Maybe not close it down but just leave it here to rot.

Space & Death

2007-11-04T01:58:00.000+08:00

After looking through some of my project materials, I found some interesting facts. For example, there were theories on how the solar system were formed. There many things in space which are very scary.

1) Black holes which is 20+ the size of the Sun and it is even able to suck light into it.
2) The Sun will accumulate energy and will grow so big that it is able to boil the earth's water & even cause the earth's atmosphere to move to space.
3) Star exploding.
4) Global warming & how fast the resources on Earth are being used it.
5) Storms in other planets which can last at least 100 plus years.
6) The big boom! As in the end of the universal.

This is only some of the details. There are alot more details but I am too lazy to read all of it. It is damn wordy! If you guys are interested, just go wikipedia and search for solar system and start linking around the webpages in wiki.

Then, the more serious part. I start to think that will happen then. Will earthlings leave Earth for another planet? What if all of life is being sucked into the black hole? Would there be living things in the black hole? Or the big boom killing all the stars? And we cant do anything to stop it! Scary huh? Or am I thinking too much? After all, there is still at least millions or billions of years before this happen.

Then, I thought of another matter. What will life be like after death? Is there really such thing as afterlife? Going to heaven or hell? Personally, I feel that followers of certain religion just want something that can give them something to believe in. Afterlife, to me is unrealistic. Maybe there was some guy in the past who went into a deep coma and had some dream and upon awaking, he thought that he went to some paradise and tell everyone that is afterlife. I will only believe in such things if there is prove. This isn't the first time I am thinking about life after death. Whenever I am pondering over it, it always gives me the shivers. I do not know if I am afraid of death but I am just fearful of what will happen after death. I always think of life after death whenever someone I know passed away or I read about the end of life.

Because of my fears, I feel that it is very important to live life to the fullest. No point getting angry over tiny matters. Just try to let go as fast as possible and enjoy the life which everybody deserve. If you are too fearful of everything, then what is the point in living. To me, being really rich doesn't really make a person happy. I read about stories regarding millionaires who have a terrible social life. Friends are there for them because of their money. While their millionaire friends will look down on them if their fortune suddenly disappear. I do not mean that I do not want to be rich. Just earn enough to enjoy life. Do not earn to much as the chances that the more a person earns, the more pressure there is in the job. So with this, I promise to live life happily from now on. Do not always be so hot-tempered as it will only damage my health. I wanna die comfortably in my sleep and not choking to death or let some bateria eat my body while I am healthy.

Basically, live life to the fullest! Try to displace unhappiness with happiness as soon as possible!

Rabbit

2007-11-02T12:36:00.001+08:00

What am I doing? Constantly complaining about my studies? I should be glad at the position that I am at now. Alot of other people wouldn't mind switching position with me if I not wrong.

For something more light hearted. Cynthia and I found an abandon rabbit. Its kinda cute so I took quite some pictures of it.

The rabbit actually slept on my leg! Too bad I am allege to fur and dust. Or else I will definitely keep it. So I am calling out to people reading my blog! If you want to keep a pet, please take good care of it and dun abandon it! It is inhumane to let a living thing suffer!

Other than that, I would like to ask if any of my readers is interested in the rabbit because this rabbit is current at my gal's home and her parents do want her to keep the rabbit. So if you want the rabbit, just tag my taggie or ring me!

Stress!

2007-10-30T12:15:00.000+08:00

I am damn stress now! Tutorials! Mini-projects! Projects! I do not think my frail little body can take all this pressure. This is the first time in my life that I do not know how to do a homework. To elaborate more, when my homework is blank, it is very likely that I am too lazy to do and do not even have the time to copy the work. But now in polytechnic, I can spent 1 hour stucked at a question and still do not know what to do. Even if I am able to complete the question, it is very likely that I will still get the wrong answer!

Let me quote an example. This happened to me just recently. I spent 2 hours and 30 minutes doing a tutorial. Overall, tutorial requires me to complete 5 questions. Within this 2.5 hours, I managed to complete 4 questions and that leaves with just one question which I completely had no idea how to do! 2.5 hours... This time is the time limit for most of my test nowadays and I spent all of it to do just 5 petite questions! Further more, of the 4 question which I did, 3 of the answers were wrong! That would means I only manage to get 1 out of 5 right! Sigh! I'm getting stupider :(

The modules I am taking this semester are tough! Damn tough!
Taxation - its kinda easy but there is still alot of things to memorise.
Business Law - need i say more about this? Law! Cases to memorise and question which requires me to debate!
Managerial Accounting 1 - This is the module which the tutorial I did got 1/5 only! Further more, most of my classmates and coursemates all do not know how to do!
Regulatory Framework of Accounting - This is the law of accounting! Similar to law, the modules requirement for a student is for them to understand the Financial Reporting Standard (FRS) and how those standards justify accounting treatment!
Finance International Trade - Memorising of shipping terms, shipping documents. Need a say more?

Basically, this semester requires me to memorise, memorise and memorise! I will be quite glad to get a 3.8 GPA this semester but I will still aim to get a 4.0 GPA! I'm going to be a nerd for this semester! 4.0 will be my motivation to work hard.

I vaguely recalled that Cynthia had told me something. What if I do not have a job to support myself? Would I have done better? I think that this is an excuse to console oneself. I think that studies should be well balanced with all other factors. To be able to balance everything makes you better than those who got straight As by staying at home and getting help from private tutors. I strongly believe that with hard work would really make a differences!

Close Encounter With The KNN Kind

2007-10-12T22:50:00.000+08:00

I'm pissed off today! The last customer for the day was damn KNN!!! We are already living in a automated society and that creature who I do not know is from which decade have completely no automation! My shop closes at 9.30. That knn woman went in the shop at around 9.15 and I pulled the shutters down at around 9.22. This woman is not automatic at all! She continue to shop slowly and even have the nerve to play with her baby when she bloody hell know we are closing our shop. The F***ing excuse she gave is that her flight is tomorrow hence she must get her winter wear by today! Excuse me! I do not intend to be voted to be a good salesman! The what GEMS project to reward deserving sales personality is nothing of my business! I'm for the job just to get paid, go to work at 11 and leave work at 9.30! What that knn woman did? She delay and delay, trying on sweaters which she eventually did not buy and only settled for one pathetic $79 jackets.

Please, if you want to waste other peoples' time, you better have a good reason and to me, a $79 jacket is certainly a very poor reason! Oh wait! Did I mention what time did the knn woman leave the shop? 9.48pm on the clock! She delayed her time from 9.22, the time from when the shutters came down to 9.48pm! A grand total of 26 mins! I can tell you that if my shop is surviving on decent profits, I will certainly chase the customers out my shop. I do not mind if the goodwill of my business will be affected. Bloody hell... Dun give me that CB face and tell me "sorry sorry, my flight is tomorrow and I need winter wear". You should have came down to the shop early and not letting your irresponsiblity affect me any way negatively! Luckily, I still manage to pull off a smile which beneath is flaming with impatient. I really ought to control my anger...

Next, I decided to take a MRT instead of a bus as it was really late and I am really very tired. I bought the usual cabin in the MRT which is directly infront of the escalater at Redhill MRT. There was this mother daughter pair who boarded the cabin after me. I proceed on to the seat which is next to the door so that I can lean my body on the glass panel. However, I noticed that I am surrounded by children so I decided to seat by the next glass panels beside the MRT doors which is still empty. When I stood up and took a few steps to the seat, I realised why was that seat no occupied, there was a puddle of colour water infront of the seat. So I went by my instinct and when back to the seat where I was previously occupying. Damn the pair whom I will curse later on hurry scamble to my seat like there was gold on my seat. Abit unsatisfied, I didn't grumble much but just stare(cum smile) at them and letting them take my seat. I went on to seat next to them. Guess what kb statement they said?

"Wah... lucky we see there got water ar so we never seat there. That boy must not have seen the water so he got up to seat there"
KNNBCCB!!!! Where is the nice Singaporean which I always see in advertisement??? They didn't even tell me about that puddle of water and hurry to the seat which I occupied only 1 seconds ago!!! That made me boil but that was not the end.

They manage to make me warmer when I see them getting off at Chinese Garden! That is only 2 fucking stops away from Boon Lay! Cant you two b*t*hes butt stuck on the seat for less than 5 minutes? What you stand to gain from getting my seat? A bigger seat for your bigger butt? NO! There is only a glass panel which you bi*c*es didn't even lean on!

I curse you two mother and daughter pair! I curse the mother will remain fat as ever and grow so fat that the fats will burst out of her body! And I curse the daughter to grow as fat as a b*tc*y mother and cant never find a life partner!

*&^%$#!#$@!!!
I am still flaming now!!!
Have to control my temper!!!

Just a penny of my thoughts

2007-09-29T00:47:00.000+08:00

I find myself subconsiously following the news of the violence in Myanmar very closely. The situation had worsen day by day. Just one week ago, I remember the newspaper were reporting that the soldiers in Myanmar are refusing to use violence against the peaceful protesters. However, barely one week later, the report have a 180 degree change. Soldiers are attacking monks, protesters and even innocent by-standers! There were even people killed! How bad can this world goes? Global warming, outspread of dieaeses, terriorism, natural diasters and now war?

Guess I am trying to be political now... =x

Photos! At Last!

2007-09-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

I finally know how to put pics inside my blog! I will post some pics of the genting trip!

This is the pathetic hotel room! So damn small!

The hotel line which is so damn long. We waited 20 minutes in that line!

All because of this notice!

And then the F***ing staff at the counter told us we do not have to wait in that line!

The notice is telling us to wait in line to check-in or is it that my English is so damn bad?

After that! The lousy food!

The food of the following two pictures are terrible! If you are in a right sense of mind, follow my advice! Do not patronise their store!

The food which gave me mixed feelings

The burger was terrible and the drinks so un-softdrink(like) but the cheese potato wedges were nice!

Lastly, the NOODLES ON PROMOTION! $12RM. Daylight robbery!

The other pictures!

Me peeking inside a ladies toilet.

Me performing a magic trick! ;p

Genting! Small scale!

The money we had left on the second day! How we wish it was in Singapore dollars...

Before I end this post, I would like to show to pics taken in the same location and completely different results! You guys decide which is nicer...

which photo effect is better & who taken the pictures? Shld be a easy guess ;p

My Job

2007-09-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

My job, a sales assistant, is surprisingly fulfilling. What is the job scope of a sales assistant? A good knowledge on the product, a good service attitude, good communication skills and efficiently handing of stocks. However, my job, a sales assistant, is abit more special. How else can a sales assistant be able to order people to do things for you? I meant not bossing my colleagues around but just mainly asking them to help out with some of the more simple tasks. And of wonders of wonders, they actually listened to me! Imagine a 19 year old sales assistant working part time is able to gain the trust and respect of fellow colleagues of the older 25/26 year old full timers! This is something which I manage to secure working for WT. I feel as though as I am undergoing a leadership course while working! My more senior colleagues allow me the freedom to do whatever I want and will only reprime me when I did something very wrong, the responsibility of handling the cashier and stocks and even the authority to ask the more junior colleagues to do things for me! Doesn't this sounds like a dream part time job?

Oh wait! It gets even better! Basically, no one will order me around with the exception of my supervisor and one other senior colleagues. The rest of my colleagues simply would not ask me to do anything at all! That means that I get to slack most of my time! What job pays you a average hourly wage to slack? As far as I can think of, there is only a handful of this job around and I feel that I am very lucky to get whole of one of them.

I am really grateful with the opportunities my seniors at my work place has given me. I can really use the experiences gained working there to apply on my school works. One of my wishes is to be a good leader, a skill which I lacked throughout my school life and do not have any opportunity to pursue this skill but it is actually given to me via my work. I will make full use of this opportunity and develop a better me!

First Attempt

2007-09-20T00:06:00.000+08:00

This is my first attempt at script editing! I feel that I did quite a good job. My job looks like what I want it to be. I can change the background anytime to suit my mood! :) My blog may look stupid but I like it! :)

Please give as much comments as possible regarding my new blog skin!

Semester 3

2007-09-15T23:52:00.000+08:00

I gotten back my results for semester 3. I gotten a GPA of 3.9. Usually, I would be extremely happy to get something this high. But now, my mind-set had changed. My first reaction was: damn! not 4.0? My thinking now is changing to those students which I deem "siao" students studying in top schools in the past. No perfect grade, my heart will feel like crying. And I was so close to the perfect grade! Just 5 marks away to pull my GPA up by 0.1! I am becoming kinda "siao" myself now.
Anyway, my grades:
AUDITING 1 - AD

COST ACCOUNTING - A

ENTERPRISE ACCOUNTING APPLICATIONS - A

FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT - B+

INNOVATION & ENTERPRISE IN ACTION - Pass

INTERMEDIATE FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING - AD

I wish myself better luck next semester!

Traffic Police Test

2007-09-15T23:44:00.000+08:00

I failed my TP test terribly! 32 demerit points and 1 immediate failure! I am very disappointed with my performance as I usually do rather well in practise. I guess that nervousness got the better of me. Seeing the strict looking old men in white uniform is enough to make me feet shake. The rain does not make the situation any better. In the end, I fall off the plank, bike wobbles, fail to check blind spot and checking blind spot incorrectly. Falling off the plank I will accept it graciously. However, I do not understand why I deserve 18 demerits points. Didn't the cock eye old men see me turning my head?

I was really sadden by the results. It is the first time I tried so hard and failed miserably! My dreams of riding a motor bike to school when the school reopen is all being tarnish by those blind old men! @#@!#^%

Genting

2007-09-15T22:24:00.000+08:00

Hi! I am updating my "spider web" infested blog! I will first talk about my Genting trip.

The hotel check-in process was terrible and there wasn't any instructions on checking-in at the huge lobby of the hotel. The information counter was empty and all I see when I first arrive at the hotel is a long queue which lead to a counter with the sign "PLEASE TAKE A NUMBER TO CHECK-IN". Any English educated person will of cause wait in the queue. After waiting 20 minutes in the queue, I was simply told: "You and go to the hotel counter to collect your keys." I was like 'WHAT THE HELL! I WAITED 20 MINUTES FOR NOTHING!' That's not all! I have to wait another 10 minutes until the hotel finally process everything and hand me the key! The lady serving us was taking her own sweet time and even chatting with her colleagues before handing me the keys! What a shitty hotel! By the way, the hotel is First World Hotel, the lousiest budget hotel in my opinion.

(I wanted to add pictures but after 15 minutes of failed attempts, I gave up)

The next morning, my dear and I decided to spend our time in the amusement park. My mood gotten quite bad when I see all the queues in the park. I have to fucking wait 30-45 minutes in order to ride a ride! That would means I would have spent almost 85% of the time in the amusement park waiting! Anyway, I manage to ride around 5 rides if I'm not wrong. Not that thrilling for me as I do not find the speed very fast. For the other rides, I decide to give up riding it after I saw the queues. Anyway, we decide to spend our money eating. I will talk more about our food later on in my blog. We also visited two attraction inside their indoor amusement park, the "Ripley's Believe it or Not" & "Van Helsing Adventure". The former is definitely worth it price as we remain inside the "Ripley's museum" for nearly 2 hours! The later is damn boring! We have to wear blurry 3-D glasses, hear sounds and only have one pathetic worker trying to scare the socks out of our toes. He/She was fairly successful doing their job on Cynthia. At night, we caught a movie, ratatouille.(I'm not sure about the spelling and lazy to check the spelling) I wanted the "Osim" seats but it was already sold out even when we bought the tickets early in the morning. In the end, we choose the premium seats. It is definitely "premium". The seats were hard as wood, no couple seats for me to cuddle up with Cyn. Lousy shitty cinema. Popcorn sucks too. We tried to get inside the casino but was chased out due to me wearing slippers.(Not because of my age, guess I looked too aged)

Next day, we played arcade and took a cable car down to I don't know where. The view in the cable car was "fantastic"! Clouds surround the cable car and the view was so foggy that nothing can be seen. The window shopped around the cable car station and there is even a mini zoo there. It boast that it have a collection of 300 over animals inside but "disappointingly", most of it were fishs and only afew animals. Perhaps I find fishes uninteresting because I do not appreaciate "marinalogy". Then, it was back at Genting, had our meal and window shop again. Finally, we went inside the casino(Guess I really look old) without any resistence from the security guards. The jackpot machines were not what I am expecting. Not those which will be filled with cash once a jackpot is being acheive but all the money will be crediting inside a card. I guess even casino have been advancing. We even visited a temple some distance away from Genting. That's about the highlights of the trip.

I have high expectation of the food there as Cyn told me malaysia food is super SHIOK! The higher the expectation, the higher the disappointment is very true! The service was also extremely bad at one of the restaurant, namely Spice Restaurant. It sells Indian crusine and I do not know whether they are racist or they look down on us because of our age but their service attitude is simply unacceptable! We were waiting for any one of the waiters to serve us at the entrance and none of them came forward to serve us! I was staring at all the waiters and I even manage to get eye contact with one of the waiter but that damn Indian waiter just look away quickly and hide in some corner! I'm not racist but I really find them %!%^&^!@#@.
Now, I will list the HIGHLY NOT RECOMMENDED restaurant
1 - Good Friends Restaurant
2 - Only Mee
3 - Yum Yum Chinese Restaurant
4 - KFC
And the HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
1 - Lake View Restaurant
2 - Merry Brown
3 - Hong Kong Restaurant
My theory is that good food wouldn't be up Genting because if a chef is really so damn good, why the hell would he/she want to travel up Genting which is up in the clouds to cook?

Basically, the trip will be more enjoyable if there isn't any queues, racist waiters, cheaper food and nicer food. Looking forward to visit Malaysia again later this year. :)

sad

2007-06-29T21:23:00.000+08:00

It had been a very disappointing common test for me. One A and three Bs. Sigh... My grades are falling. I think i really have to study very hard for my exams this time round to score a good GPA. I identified what really went wrong - carelessness and complacency. I did not check my work and i was too confident that i will not make any mistake. I was very wrong. For all my papers, i could find at least 15 marks worth of careless mistake! That is a hell lot of marks and it is able to put up my results by 3 grades! Seriously, i gotta work extremely hard.

I also had been jogging recently. Considering that i can still jog 3.2 km without stopping after a 2 year absent in running related sports, i would say i'm rather impressive. I do not have any target on how long I want to run but i am gonna run as long as i can.

God bless me for my examations!!!

Studying - My Method

2007-06-23T18:37:00.000+08:00

School is reopening soon... I have high expectation for my common test. To be specific, all As...

I feel drained... drained out of all my creativity juices... I couldn't think of any ideas to make the projects given to me more creative. Sigh... It since just yesterday that the ideas which I came up of my projects got As for my whole group...

I feel I'm falling and falling... (In acadamically terms & not emotional terms)
I had climbed so high up and i am not ready to fall! I cant stand the pain in my buttocks when I falls. I may be complacent and arrogant but I think that is my way to physio myself to think I can do better than other people.

To lucky viewers, I am going to share how I had acheive till now...
There is only two things which fully describe how I got to where I am right now - hard work & determination. I may be "slacking" for most of the semester but whenever examations draws near, you will be sure to see me hanging around notes and textbooks like bees hang around nectar. Not only that, I can spend the whole night studying. Falling sick in order to get good grades is not uncommon for me. Study, there are many methods of doing so but I am just going to share with you how I do it. Firstly, i will start writing my own notes in order to get an understanding of the topic. Secondly, i will do my tutorials. Thirdly, I will find topics those question which I do not know how to do to focus more on. Lastly, I will keep just keep reading and reading my own notes to get those things inside my head. If my head refuses to accept all those data that my brain is pushing in, I will just keep writing and writing the points which I cant remember.(just like how students learn chinese in primary school)

Anther point is that I do not remember word for word. I just memorise points and I will try to explain the points all by myself without any help so that to ensure I fully understands. This is another advantage as I do not have to memorise as much as others. Understand what you are studying is also a main factor in doing well.

Basically, I recommend a cycle to follow when studying for an examation: revise, practise and re-revise.

Do not loss concentration as this will only result in hours for time loss for studying. I may have said so damn much but it is down to you yourself on whether you really do well.

Motorcycle

2007-06-22T22:32:00.000+08:00

What had happened recently?? nothing much except that i am very close to getting my motorcycle license!!! I am still deciding on which bike to buy. I am only think of two bikes... A chopper bike or a sport bike. Safety vs Style. Which one will i choose in the end? I still do not know.

Lastly, i wanna delicate this part to cynthia...
Thank You & I Love YOU very much... =D

I am back in action.

2007-06-21T14:33:00.001+08:00

Finally I am back in action. I am really sorry for not blogging since Feb? Life has been great as long as I'm with her :) Everythings are great except some minor problems here and there.

One of the movies i watch with cynthia!!!

2007-02-07T13:14:00.000+08:00

Hi... I am just here to say that the movie - HAPPY BIRTHDAY is one of the best romantic movies i ever seen. So i am here to advertise this movie to everybody reading my blog. The ending is very saddening too. Something unusual for a romantic film.

(Warning Warning Warning)
(Bias Comment Because I Like Rene Liu)

Thats all fokes.. And now back to study...

Two weeks of pure hell!

2007-01-18T19:37:00.000+08:00

All my common test is finally over! i got A's for all of them.. Yupee!!! I like to think my mother, my relative, my friends and everyone who supported me... bah bah bah... haha... wanna crap awhile... really very stress this few days. the last 2 weeks was terror! It was like hell to me! It is easily considered the toughest two weeks i ever when through.

This all started after my holidays. As a few of my group members and i are going on tour, we couldn't meet up during the holidays to complete our assignment and projects. Then came the first week of sch to rush finish all the work. Then second week was to complete and submit everything. Imagine, all the projects and assignment, i have to do some touch-up and make sure it is close to perfection before i submit it. This took me hours at the middle of the night to complete! That's not all! This is not including test and presentation which i have to prepare too! Wow... I couldn't believe me, a well known slacker in secondary school, will go through all this trouble to do well.

Well, that is all. My school is having a open house rite now. From today to saturday. Everybody is welcome. I will be participating for one day. i am in charge of a cca booth! student union! I am not even in that CCA. Lol... Okay la.. i have to wake up soon lei... i identified two cca which i wanna join lei. Leo Club & Outward Bounders. I am going to join for sure!

Lousy December

2006-12-29T10:47:00.000+08:00

I realised i been a fool. Now that is all in the past.

I experienced the sweetness and joy. I experienced the bitterness and sorrow. All this was wonderful. At least it is a learning experience for me.

Now, i realise what really makes me really happy.
1) Seeing my mother smile
2) Getting good results

I am so happy when my mother finally agrees to go for a full body check up. She finally consented after my months of pestering. I think her age is failing her and her health had deteriorate. I think it is time for me to stay home more often and take care of her. Staying by her side more often also means that i will have the chances to see her smile more often.

Another thing which makes me happy is getting good results. The reason is simple. I feel that i am acheiving something. I do not want to be a useless man like my father. I want to strike it big the moment i graduate from poly or even university. Therefore getting good results the steps which allows me to complete my goal.

However, there are things which makes me fearful too.

Knowing me, those things should be obvious. However, strangely, there is one thing i am very afraid of. I am afraid that i will not have friends, companion or simply someone who i can talk to comfortablely. People all says that i have alot of friends. But all those "friends" are just people whom i say hi, hello and goodbye too. In fact, I am lonely. I am desperately looking for someone who understands me. There are some friends who really understands me. I would like to say that it is appreciated.

The new term is starting. I must strive to be the best once again.

Anyway, another lousy birthday and lousy china trip. This makes december lousy..

-

2006-11-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

I am getting depress.
What am I trying to be?
What do I want?
Do all those things really make me happy?

I feel that i am reaching my limit.
My mental strength
My tolerance

My only hope is one shining star.
But this star has been dimmer as of late.
My little bit of hope fading away.

All I need right now is someone who understands me.
Someone who can talk to me.
MAybe i am asking too much.
Because i make myself to be complicated.
Stopping myself from expressing what i really feel.

Fuck Life!!!

-

2006-10-19T22:11:00.000+08:00

Today, while in the bus, i smelled someone using the DKNY perfume. I thought of her. I am angry with her but i really miss her at the same time. The first week of semester 2 should be the most free time i have this semester. Too bad this period of time is not spent with her.

I want to watch movies

2006-10-19T20:07:00.000+08:00

Inside my throat there is this sticky sticky substance which I forgotten how to spell it. I think it is called "flam" but i checked dictionary.com and there word's meaning isn't what i intended. So i will just go on using the word "flam". As long as you guys know and i myself know can already.

Recently, the "flam" had been so bad that it will cause me to cough alot. It even caused me to vomit yesterday! There was another incident when the "flam" was so thick that it caused me some difficulty in breathing. I remember i was running to the MRT station because i am late and i couldn't afford to wait for the bus. Before i ran half of my journey to the MRT station, my coughing fit begins. I even coughed till my eyes are filled with tears. I want to see a doctor but i dunno where to see one or what to say to the doctor. After all, if i do not take care of myself who else will?

Today i cooked dinner. Dumplings in bitter gourd soup, steam fish and sunny side egg. Not too good and not to bad. There are alot of movies which I want to catch! I was thinking of watching a movie by myself yesterday however, i was afraid to watch a movie alone so i let it pass...

-

2006-10-18T23:15:00.000+08:00

I am in terrible mood today. The haze only worsen my mood. I got a headache and fever today. I did nothing to care for myself. In spite of all this, I still went out hunting for my slippers today. Finally bought a pair at Hereen. That's all...

-

2006-10-17T22:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, no matter how i try to be happy, i just couldn't force myself to do so. There are bond to be some tiny mini problems which will cause my mood to slide all the way downhill. However, deep down, i do not even understand myself. I am simply too complicated. I think too much. There are certainly pros and cons but for me, everytime when i think, my blood pressure is most likely to raise.

Another thing i realise is that nobody really know me very well too. My character, my temper and my personality. I guess this includes my mother, my girlfriend and all my friends. Deep down inside my body, there is a troubled soul waiting to be rescued. For a long time, I thought that that poor soul will finally be rescued but it turned out to be just my own dreaming.

Behind everybodies' face is a mask. Take me for example, i may look happy on the surface but the actual me had never once been really very happy. The face behind the mask could look horrible beyond imagination so i prefer looking at masks instead of people's real faces.

If my readers know me very well, i am sure that they will know i am angry now! That is the fact right now - I AM ANGRY. I am angry with a certain somebody whom i have very high hopes for. The high hopes includes freeing my tormented soul from all the suffering and making my real faces a really smiling face. But alas, such a certain somebody does not exist. It had all been my own wishful thinking. So what if i am angry? I am not significant to anybody. No one will feel my anger or care about it. So what for be angry? It will only lead to high blood pressure, heart attack and mental problems. I will not care. No one is worth my care anyway...

Regarding My Wishlist

2006-10-16T14:44:00.000+08:00

I changed my wishlist! I decided to make my wish list more realistic and not those which I can get in my dreams.

F***ing Customer and School Matters

2006-10-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

I am blogging and nobody is tagging on my board!!! My blog is indeed losing its popularity already.

The last two days working was purely like hell!!! My whole store was in a mess! Not a single corner in my store was neat and tidy. I am glad that this period is over. Now is another period - School. My wish list of this new semester.
1) Be the Class Rep
2) Getting a GPA of 3.7 and above
3) Have a fun and meaningful CCA

Okay... That is about my academic matters. Now to the happenings today. After work today, I went to Bugis to eat steamboat with my colleagues. They are treating me because of the good sales recently. I also owe them a treat but I do not know what to treat them. Wait till they tell me.

Finally Back!!

2006-10-11T23:44:00.000+08:00

Here I am blogging. I am trying not to think so much while i blog. Yesterday till today, whenever i am free, I wasn't thinking too much, I was watching videos on youtube! I was being captivated by the anime series of GTO and it capativated me so much that I wanted to watch the actual show being performed by live actors/actresses too! I am currently at episode 3 rite now. Hope I can have cable connection for some days so as to allow me to watch the videos without waiting too long for them to load.

Okay okay. I must blog all the good stuff! I want to start aviod thinking negative thoughts from now on. When there is unhappiness, I should not dwell too much on those. Positive thoughts will make me a better person. From now on, I will still think alot but I will not allow unhappiness to get the better of me. I make myself a promise which is I will live happily. Unhappiness can lead directly to death and other illnesses both mentally and psyciologically.

Good news No.1...
I got my results a long long time ago. I just do not want to boast my results on the web where everybody will have access to. But since i got nothing better to blog, I will include this topic into my post. Although it isn't that fantastic as those who gotten a GPA of 4, I am still satisfied with my grades. I took 5 core modules and 2 sub-modules. Out of the 5 core modules i gotten A for 4 of them. Out of the two sub-modules which I took, I gotten A for 1 of them. I will just list down all my modules for easy viewing.
Business management - B
Business Computing Appliances - AD
Written Business Communication - A
MarcoEconomics - A
Inroduction to Financial Accounting - AD
Individual & the Community - B+
Life Management Skills - AD
Overall, I got a GPA of 3.79. Funny to think of some of the grades which I gotten. For business management, I crap so much that I wrote 9 pages! 9 pages are definitely worth an A grade perhaps but I only gotten a B grade. To be honest, I was pretty disappointed. Another strange thing is that I got AD for life management skills! My life is in a mess and yet I could still be in the top 5% for that module. I do not know how to make my r/s, family & friends. My education, my social circle and my piorities and yet... Okay... That is all about my grades. I really hope that i can continue my good work the next semester.

Good News No.2...
I heard that my pay will rise from $5.00 per hour to $5.50 per hour. Additionally, I can still get a commission based on my total working days(provided that sales target is being hit). Wow! It is certainly music to the ears' of someone who is aimming to save $5000 after graduating from poly. Working had been fun lately. It may be tiring but it is at least better than stressing myself over school matters or arguing with my mother and my girlfriend. I get the chance to order people around because I am kinda senior over there. My colleagues were also very good to me. They treated for my meals ocassionally. Macdonalds for 2 or 3 times and Pizza Hut once. I am thinking of treating them back to repay them for their kindness. Another good news regarding my working life! I save $64 on my meals for the first week of OCT! I didn't spend a single cent on food the entire week. I strave myself by eating only one meal a day. The meals are mostly cooked at home or bread with some fillings. The good news is that I had saved some money. But there is also some bad news to me. Apparently, no one who was close to me was worried about my eating habits. Not even the ones closest to me. Then again, I promise myself to be happy. No more dwelling on unhappy thoughts.

Good News No.3
My mother bought a new handphone for me. HP Ipaq 6828. I am still learning to use it. I want to make it my utimate entertainment device and my utimate organising device! I am planning to get a bluetooth headset to listen to music. Together with my PSP and my digital cam, I might be the newest geek on the block. I am aimming to buy a new PSP game. Valaries Profile. I'm not sure whether I spelled it correctly but I am sure it is some where close.

However, life is full of ups and downs. There is one matter which left me very upset. My pearl white dead.(It is my white hamster!) Compared to all my other hamsters, I especially doted on this white hamster of mine. However, my dearest hamster refuses to eat and drink. I even took the initiative to feed it on my hands but it would only mumble on some of the food a leave a large majority of the food untouch. Sigh... I was extremely sad when it died but again, nobody know about my feelings. No consoles or anything.

There are also some happenings during the time between my last posting and my current posting.

Happening No.1
I went to Ubin island with my friends finally! We cycle to more parts of the island than we had perviously done before. This was the 4th time I ever set foot on that island. But I didn't really enjoy myself. I do not know why. Maybe I was too tired or I was too broke to enjoy that trip. Maybe I was thinking negative thoughts during that trip too! The effect of negative thoughts could be so terrible that it would stop someone from enjoying.

Happening No.2
I had a long drink with my pals. Beers are given by Aloysious. He provided 6 cans of henikien for that ocassion. We talked alot of stuff. I want to get drunk. Hopefully, I can be. I am thinking of going of going to pubs recently. Too bad I am underage and there is also nobody to accompany me there.

Happening No.3
I went back to my poly during the holidays for the national accounting quiz! Perviously, I was there as a student participating but this time round, I am there as a student helper! This event earned me a cool 4 CCA points!

Happening No.4
I went to the Zoo with Cynthia and some of her friends. This outing was better than pervious outings with them as they include me to their conversation more. I still find the it pretty boring as all the animals are too tamed. Just took afew photos there. After that, I joined them for a KTV session. MADNESS! They sang from 7pm to 6am!!! Cynthia and I left at 3am and we are already half-dead.

Sorry I couldn't give much information about my happenings because it happened so long ago that I forget most of the details. I will try to update more often since there are readers for my blog. I try not to include too much sadness in my posting. Maybe I will just keep all the unhappiness in myself. My Wish - Be Happy in Life. My Moto - Do whatever which will make me happy. Basically, I just want happiness.

Untitled

2006-09-02T22:20:00.000+08:00

I am begining to hate my life now. What is the purpose of my existent? I always hated my life. I do not even remember when is the first time my parents actually hit me. Too long ago for me to remember the date. What is the reason? Being dirty, not washing my clothes and all those minor little things which a child in a normal family can get away with just a little scolding. Right! The past is the past but I still feeling that life had been cruel to me. What am I doing? What am I doing it for? I do I get from doing it? Why are the things which others have and I do not have? All I have is one nasty temper! It is a fucktup life for me. There may be others who suffer more than me and yet still treasure their life! I really got to praise their preservance and determination. Now, I just wish to die painlessly or just lie in a coma and not having to do anything. I am slowing losing everything! My confident, my calmness and everything!!! Sigh...

To God,

If you are able to help me to get out of this miserable life, I am more than willing to become a devoted follower. Just tell me what religion you belong to. I got no idea how are you going to help me but please help me if you really exist.

Yours sincerely
Eugene

Exam over den need to work...

2006-08-28T16:06:00.000+08:00

Finally I am willing to blog! Haha... It is after my exams already and I am expecting like 4 As and a B for all my modules. I think it is really near to impossible for that to happen but I am hopeful that I can repeat my miracle as during the O levels. I am going to work soon and I do not think I will have time to blog or anything interesting to blog. Maybe i will be leaving this blog to rot for awhile.

Okay!! Cyn and I celebrated our 17 months together last saturday! Time really passes really quickly. It had been a long long time since we are able to sit down togehter and had a long talk regarding everything. I really enjoyed it very much! Okay... Cynthia gave me a surprise gift for the aniversary. Not really useful but a gift is still a gift, haha, it is the thoughts that counts. She folded a giant crane for me! Using Vanguard sheet! Madness... Anyway, it is a good start! Considering Cynthia do not even know how to fold paper cranes! Haha!! Thanks alot...

Sleeping "Yan Dao"

2006-08-22T20:47:00.000+08:00

Two modules are over and one module is down in the drains. My last paper is on Friday! In fact, that is the paper which I have the most confident in! Hopefully, I will not be too complacent.

Today, I sleep till 3 plus in the afternoon only to be awaken by Cythia's SMS. The contents of her message is "I dismissed le". I slept all the way from the time Cynthia start sleeping all the way to the time she was dismissed! Wow! It had been a very very very long time since I slept this long.

That is the most interesting thing which happened today. Nothing else more to add so I am going to end here. Bye!

QUEST Celebrates 50 Years

2006-08-18T20:12:00.000+08:00

Finally, another module is over. The macroeconomics paper was easiler than what i expected and I am confident of getting an A. Hopefully, i will not be disappointed. The next test, business management, will be on monday and i know shit about this module. I am prepared to get a C grade for this module already but again, I always aim higher. May I get a B+ for bmgmt at least? Or else getting a C will pull my GPA down alot.

Wow! I could not believe I study through out last night! I wanted to sleep from 9pm to 1pm but I was disturbed by my sister using the computer and the 7 month celebration thingy below my home. They were so noisy that I give up forcing myself to sleep. I just took a nap from 4am to 5am! Other than that, I was studing furiously for macro. In fact, after all the studying, I am so confident that I hardly even touch the notes on my way to school. I was relaxing my overworked brain during the bus journey and when I reached school, I just refresh my memory with my classmates. Immediately when I reached home, I headed straight for my bed and sleep till 4pm. However, I think the sleep is insufficient as my head is hurting me now.

Speaking of hurt, I do not know what went into me today. I feel the urge to hurt myself suddenly. I pounded my fist onto the wall, slapped the wall with my palm and punch the wall using my fist with quite a big force. This may sound funny but I like the pain I felt! Okay, let me describe what I did first. First, I punch the wall so hard that my knuckles hurt so much. I could not take a second punch on the wall so I just pound and slap the wall. Somehow, this feeling of pain is able to erase what my brain is thinking! Maybe I will use this method more often. But regretfully, I did all of that using only my right hand and now my right hand is swollen. Knowing that I cant that the pain from knocking the wall, I switch method. Ouch! My hand still hurts now. The next method was exercising! I did a whopping 100 push ups! My record so far for doing push up at one go. The next set was 50 and 50. Total, I did 200 push ups. I played with the dumbbells too! After I did all of those method, my head surprising feels clear. No heart have liften. I want to experience those feeling more often. Maybe I will start punching the wall again after my hand has recovered. Oh ya! I would like to thank Jie Yong! Your idea of covering the face with a pillow while screaming was effective! I did get to scream my lungs out! However, the problems is that while I am screaming, my throat start to become very dry. It could be due to insufficient air entering my airpipes.

Lastly, to end off, I would like to wish my secondary school happy 50 years anniversary! Although I had graduated, the school will always give me fond memories. Hope everyone attending the QUEST 50 anniversary dinner will enjoy themselves there!

Exams in less than 24 hours!!!

2006-08-18T01:50:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. I am burning the midnight oil... Macro economics exam tomorrow... I need 77 marks to get an A grade and just 22 marks to pass! Easy task to pass all my module but extremely difficult to get a good grade... Sigh... I drank 3 bottles of chicken essense lei, maybe drink another bottle in the morning... Wah... Drinking chinese tea and studying.. hopefully can keep me awake...

I pray, I pray... Too all gods and for good luck. Help me do well in my exams!!!

Revenge...

2006-08-16T14:40:00.000+08:00

You say me whether I am trying to get revenge. I reply yes. You said fine with you. I am seriously begining to think that we really have serious communication problems. Our words are like needles which will inflict pain to the reader reading or listening to it.

During my O levels examination, you claim that I am too busy for you. I study so much that I completely neglected you. However, I remember I still have 1 hour of time to chat with you and not counting the numberous messages which I sent you. Now, you are hardly into your examination period and you are already so damn busy with projects which will restrict you to sending less than 10 messages a day to me and talking to me less than 15 minutes on the phone each day. Is it fair that you get to complain during my O level examinations and I do not get to even get to protest about how busy you are. You keep telling me to be understanding, next week will be better and give me all kinds of promises. However, weeks drag after weeks, to and extent that I want to become apathetic with whats going on regarding you. Let me emphasis, I WANT TO but I cant bring myself to do so.

Sigh... I cant understand I am able help other people in their problems but I myself am so helpless. My situation is similar with other people yet I could not do anything about it. Now I wish I am born dumb, mute and blind. Dumb to insult or arguement. Mute as in a will not be able to show my temper or opinion and all the anger will be trapped inside my body. Blind as not to be tempted by anything. In this way, My life will be much simplier. I may even die earlier! This is definitely good news if I am not afraid of death. Imagine, the demanding society, heartache from relationship and many other thngs, I am able to escape all of those earlier than any other people! Sigh.. too bad I am afriad of death.

Back to my revenge. I am getting revenge from doing the things which I love doing and might even benefit me in the future. What a joke! I say it is kind of like a revenge as you get to participate in so much things in school. You have friends in school! Maybe I am just jealous of you. The competitive spirit in me had evolve. I want to be better than you. It could be one of those way I could phrase it. Another way to phrase it is that I am doing all those things to avoid thinking too much. You know I get paranoid easily & get angry easily. If there is something distracting me, I will not think negative thoughts.

Sigh, I am going back to study. This exams is really going to be tough of me. Everything seems to be against me. My health, my relationship and my determination leading me away from concentrating in my exams. I guess I really need alot of luck to do well this time round. Honestly speaking, this is the first time I am thinking of ending everything. I am not willing but I have to make a choice. Let time create a decision for me...

I need someone accompany me to the gym!!!

2006-08-15T18:15:00.000+08:00

I covered all the topics for my Macroeconomics exam already! You will not believe how relief I am after doing so. My strategy for the exams: Remember the main points and then crap out the details if I can. I am not really very optimistic about my exams thought. I can say I am absolutely not well prepared for this exam. Nevermind thought, I promise myself I will push myself to the max from this day onwards.

Yesterday, I went to Queenstown CC to play basketball. That was the most energtic game of basketball I ever play. The players there were good! I suffered a few injuries thought. Recently, I been thinking of giving up my most beloved sport and concentrating on going to the gym and jogging. I already found some pals which I can go jogging with but no one is willing to accompany me to the gym. Sigh... I cannot go to the gym alone. I will have a high chance of been flatten by the weights. I have this natural tendency to push more weight than my body will allow me to. Maybe I will have to change this habit so as to built my body more efficiently.

Help =(

2006-08-13T23:21:00.000+08:00

I do not know what I am saying just now. I am just seeking someone to understand me and help me control my temper etc etc. I think i really need help to put the past behind me. I want to let go of the past and cannot seems to do so. Thinking of the past really make me angry, hurt and unhappy. Maybe I should seek professional help?

I am a Loner?

2006-08-13T22:19:00.000+08:00

I feel that I am born to be a loner.

I been trying hard to socialise with my poly friends to no avail. Maybe that it is because I am stubborn. The guys in my class is playing DOTA and invited me to join them but I turn them down flat saying that I do not like DOTA and will not try or learn to play that game. Having said that, I am already half an outcast to the guys classmates. Next, they called me to play pool. Again, I turned them down saying that I do not like to play pool. As a result, I am not that close to the guys in the class. For the girls, I am able to communicated with them better as they do not play DOTA or pool. However, I am in a relationship and I am trying to distance myself from them. Doesn't it all make me sounds like a loner in poly?

In my family, I could not get along with anybody too! My mother, father and sister. None of them could make me feel like chatting happily with them or sharing my secrets with either. Although it is a fact that I love my mother the most, I can also say that she could be someone I hate the most too. I had been arguing with her for no particular reason and usually my face is sulky in front of her. I find her unreasonable, old fashioned, and nagging. In fact, I am lost between whether to accompany her when she is lonely or leaving her alone so as to prevent us from arguing. My relationship with my father had been worst! Ever since I am young, I grew up to hate my father. Although he seems to have changed for the better now, I could not bring myself to accept him. After all, our relationship had been strain over the years and it is very difficult to mend it. As for my sister, she is always not at home. Even thought she is at home, I do not like it as she bother me. For example, she change the arrangement of the room, removing my beside table without my permission. Sigh... Sometimes I wonder why I am so god damn unlucky to be born into this family. When I look at my friends' family, I really envy them. Their family bonds are simply too much better than my family bonds. I think I am created into this world just for the sole purpose to continue my family name. I do feel love from my mother! Maybe it is called tough love. However, my mother is just too stubborn. She always like to do things her way to an extent to irritating me. I think my family member is just some people which I address as family without any kinship attachment.

I also feel that I am being to lose my friends one by one. Ever since I went into poly, I lose contact with many of them. Then again, it is maybe due to my stubbornness that caused it. I refuse to call them when they do not call me. All the closest people in my life seems just ordinary folks in to society to me now. Maybe just causual friends which is just mean to say "hi", "hello" and "goodbye" to.

For my relationship, I been starting to wonder the reasons why I wanted to be involved in one at the first place. Was it because I need a companion to share all my good and bad times with? Was it because I am desperate? Was it because that I am truely in love? I do not know. I am just not willing to let go of the relationship just yet. Maybe I am afraid to be lonely? Maybe I really love her too much to let her go? I really do not know. I miss the times at the past when we are so happy. We have all the time in the world to accompany each other and the whole world seems to be just occupied by just the two of us. However, times had changed. It seems that I could no longer tolerate her nonsense. I would snap at the slightest disagreement which we have or things do not go my way. I do not know why this is going on. I want to posess her all to myself. I know I am selfish. I want her time! I want her attention. I want her to place me as her piority! Yet, all this was not to be. Even when we say "goodbye" now, it all seems different. In the past, when we say "goodbye", the goodbye was long. None of us wants to hang up the phone. But now, our "goodbye" is fast and swift. Just the word "goodbye" and the phone will start producing the beeping sound. I do not know how to express this but I really do not like it. The way we understand each other is not like other couples who already had been together for more than ONE year. I confess that I really do not understand what is she thinking. Why is she unwilling to change some of the things I hate just for me. She claim she do not know what I am thinking. This is agree. The way I think is so complicated that even I do not understand. However, one thing is for sure! We should know our likes and dislike by know! Even though this is so, we still seems to be making each other angry on purpose. The feeling of anger is making me crazy but I just keep my silence. Maybe this is the way I am, keeping everything inside myself and blow up once I could not take it anymore. It seems that I am "blowing-up" now.

Sometimes I wonder... I tried so hard to socialise around with people and yet I am still a loner. Sometimes I like being a loner. It feels so free when nobody cares about what on earth am I doing. However, sometimes I am afriad to be lonely. What if there is nobody there when I need somebody? However, it is just my fault for how I ended up. My refuser to make new friends. My anti-social philosophy. I even blamed god for creating to be soft-spoken. I feel the hate inside me. I feel being treated unfairly. Honestly, sometimes I try to hide everything inside me, trying not to think about it. I am going to break down soon. Sigh... Maybe I am really suffering from depression. I do not mind whether I am a loner or not. I really want to be my old joyious self. I want to be happy. I want to smile. I want all of those and not the heavy heart which is weighting in my chest now all ready to explode.

Sick = Exam Die

2006-08-13T14:32:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. Long time since I had been this sick. Having a cold and sore eyes right now. How on earth can i concentrate on studying for my exams with all those illness!! Maybe I am fated not to do well in this coming exams.

Happy National Day!!! but no national day messages here...

2006-08-09T21:42:00.000+08:00

My exams is approaching and I am sleeping everytime I am suppose to study! Why do I not have any motivation to study? Exams is ONLY TWO WEEKS away and I am not anxious at all! Take today for example: I am studying for my macro economics paper and I fallen asleep immediately after I finish reading all my notes! I was still planning to do some past years' exam papers after I had read my notes. Why is this happening to me? I do not want to do badly for my exams! I want A grade for all my modules and not those stinking B or C grades. Sigh... Hope I will wake up soon...

Yesterday, I was a marina watching the fireworks with Cynthia. I admit that this firework was some what different from the other fireworks I had seen. Briefly, it was spectacular. It was colourful and the fireworks displayed were made of all sort of designs. I particularly love the fireworks at the end where the whole sky seems to be filled with comets falling straight until earth. But the atmosphere wasn't that wonderful. I could not shout and scream as I always did while watching the fireworks. Cynthia covered my mouth whenever I tried to scream! So i could only feast my eyes on the fireworks. The place was also filled with people! I remember going there early to have a good location to share some romantic moments with Cynthia. However, the place was already almost full by then. By the time the clock strike 9 when the fireworks were schedule to start, the whole place was flooded with people. Flooded to an extent to skin to skin contact with anyone in the crowd (wow!). This was what I see from the front la... because I and Cynthia manage to find a close to cosy spot in front.

In the morning of yesterday, I was back in my secondary school for the award ceremony. The teachers were damn strict about neatness! They pin up my hair using hair clips so as to make my hair appears short and forced me to tuck in my shirt! What the hell man! I have graduated and what is wrong with wearing smart casual instead of formal? I still look smart what. Just get a tiny mini $50 popular bookshop voucher only! But it was a good experience. That was the first time I was up on the school stage receiving an award for something good I had done. My mother seems so proud of me while seating in the VIP seats. This is the best I could do to make you smile. Hopefully, I still can do more to that...

I just finish watching the GTO animation. GTO stands for Great Teacher Onizuka. I admire what that man can do although it all seems quite exaggerating. The things he is willing to sacrifice for his students and his wits. Of course, it is always great to have a bunch of school girls wearing mini skirt surrounding you all the time! Oh my god, it is a dream come true. Lol... Haha.. joking... I really envy him for what he can do. After watching this animation, I dream of doing something great. Something I can do which could actually make people remember me! What can I do? Be a teacher? Help out in community work? What is greatness? Do I have a makings of a great person? Sigh... Maybe this all is just a dream.

Lets talk about what I have included into my collection since the last time I had blog. My mother bought me two branded stuffs!!! Maybe this is her form of congraluating me for my good results and good behavior recently. The first item is a branded polo tee from Timberland!!! It is striped with green and white! My favourite colour!!! The next item is a green slip-on. YES!!! Another into my green collections! Haha... The slip-on is from Crocs and it is damn expensive. I should have called Cynthia to buy for me when she is still working for that company to save some money. It is certainly not value for money for those piles of rubber. Thanks mother!!!!

End off here lei... Someone please motivate me to study!!! Sigh... and I am getting paranoid also... HELP HELP HELP HELP!!! I do not feel right!!!! ~~~~~

Automobile Dreams

2006-07-12T21:54:00.000+08:00

Recently, something keeps coming into my mind. It is cars and motorcycle. I cant wait to get my liscence so that I can drive a 4 wheel or a 2 wheel on the road. Whatever it is, it sure beats taking public transport. I thought about the pros and cons for both cars and motorcycles and I feel having a motorcycle is more appropriate for me. I know it is dangerous to be riding a motorcycle but compare it a car, the expenses per month is definitely alot cheaper. The maintainace is cheaper, the petrol is cheap and the COE is cheaper. Plus I can easily get a motorcycle for less than $5K. However, my mother is strongly against this idea. I pleaded her for an entire day and she still refuses to allow me to own a motorcycle. Another matter which i do not like about motorcycle is that i have to wear a helmet. Wearing a helmet means i can no longer style my hair to the spikely or messy looks anymore. But I have a good news! My mother said that she will buy a 2nd hand car for me after I obtain my driving license. Hopefully, she will provide for the petrol cost too. Haha... Am I asking too much from her?

Something else went through my mind yesterday... I felt scared... Extremely scared in fact... I am worrying that I cant meet up with my own expectation. I felt that everybodies' expectation on me is so high that it is suffociating me. I feel pressurize. What will my future be like if i am just a junior accountant earning small bucks everyday? I want to make it big time in whatever job which i am working. However, making it big indirectly mean that I have to at least get a degree. At my current rate, I am getting more Bs than As. How on earth can i get to university with all those grades? I do not understand why i am so fearful of failing to meet up with my expectation. I used to be so confident to a stage where i am complacent. I am scared. I want to do my best but i cant seem to have the will. I do not understand why i am scared but i just got this feeling suddenly. I am afraid of my future. I want my mother to live the rest of her life in comfort after i graduated. I want to be successful myself. Oh.. Someone else save me.

Ditch My Blog??? 8 Aug Back To School???

2006-07-10T21:47:00.000+08:00

It had been a long time since I last blog... Wow.. my blog is really rotting like hell... maybe i shld just ditch this blog... My loyal blog readers, how about it?

Okay... Time for redemption. The reasons why i didn't blog is as follows...
1) There has been alot and alot of homeworks... and i never seems to be able to complete all of them.(Maybe I always been doing them at the last minute)
2) World Cup Fever!!! Because of this onece in every 4 years event, I had not been sleeping enough. So I usually sleep in the afternoon(the time I usually do my HW and blog)
3) Basketball!!! My first love... Other times when i am not studying or sleeping, I had been playing basketball. I usually played 2 or 3 hours once i touch the ball(further explains why the lack of time to blog)

Let me think what happened recently before I start blogging. Oh ya... firstly, it is about the world cup. It is a kelong World Cup!!! The referees seems to just flash a yellow card casually and the players being booked for the slightest of contact. Penaties given without second thoughts. To make matters worse, I am quite irritated with the fact that every match which I watch is boring and yet when I did not watch, the matchs were always exciting. Although neither of my favourite teams got into the finals, I am still quite glad. Reason being, my guesses were mostly accurate. This is the luck when I get when I am not gambling... Haiz.. Must gamble during the next world cup.

In this paragraph, i shall present a piece of good news. Hope my readers will feel happy for me. I am going to receive a award for "Outstanding Performer For GCE O Level". I haven submited my acknowledgement form yet. Hopefully, i will remember to post it or deliver it myself to the school to save postage money. Here, i am going to urge or appeal or anything to my readers... Can you all come to school on 8 August??? I will be back in school on that day and I do not want to go there alone... Anybody? Please please? Lend your support or take it as a chance to go back to secondary school to remember the good old times we had together. There is another award in my poly... The "Zest" award... I am hoping i am able to get the award as it will reflect positively on my poly days.

Talking about poly life, I have something to confess... not a sort of confession but is definately not good news. I onli scored 2Bs and a A grade so far for my common tests... Disappointing right? I am aimming for all As de... Looks like i still have a hard time to climb to that level. Oh well... I am not perfect...

Ending here... My english is getting lousy... I sense tat i made alot of grammer errors and my vocab isn;t really tat fantasic.. try to improve on it next time... ;p

The Women I Love The Most... My Mother...

2006-06-13T19:35:00.000+08:00

Perhaps I had always been arguing with my mother... Perhaps I am very upset with my mother... But in my heart... She will always be the greatest women in my life... Why? She single-handedly bought me up to what I am today. Without any help from my father. She slaved her life, started work at a incredibly small age. The age when she started working was even younger than how old I am now. Rightfully, she ought to be able to enjoy her life now but she is still spending 9 hours working a day. She isn't young anymore and she is lonely. My father is forever not at home. I am not saying that my father do not step into this home. He only go home for sleep and seldoms stay in the home for more than half an hour. My sister... having bought up by my grandmother and not my mother created a strain in their relationship. My sister is always trying to avoid coming home to decrease her arguement with the family. That leave me to take care of my poor mother, who has to be so lonely at a old age. Call me selfish or homely or anything thing but I will forever place my mother at the first place. Does this answers your questions dear? Who hasn't been understanding? You just do not understand my family. I am not calling you to love my family but just understand them. I had been having family problems since young. The beating scar may have gone physically but it will still remain emotionally.

I am thinking of writing my life story on my blog but there is some things which I do not dare to say. I have gone mad... I just want to torture myself by exercising and exercising. Perhaps real pain and reduce the pain in my heart?

My past... as a loner... I think i prefer that type of life is that there is no one out there who will want to hurt me. I will just be standing in a corner doing whatever I please which is nobody's business... I can do things which will bring me joy and nobody will give me negative comments.. However, everything is different now... Especially my heart... It feels extremely painful.. bitter and sore... My brain... it feels that it is drained out of all its energy... I am not happy now as compared to the past... Maybe that is why I prefer the past... No one gives me any promises so there would not be any promises to break... No one will be close to my heart so my heart will not break so easily...

However... there are good things too! Someone to care for me and to love me.. but i have not felt any of this feelings still... Maybe sometimes but not always... I was hoping that you will be there when I really need someone... I want to pour my heart out on someone.. This is something which I really have to difficulty to do so...

Lastly... I just want so say something to my dearest Cynthia... Although we been arguing and I been very "cold" recently... I still love you more than anything else in the world other than my mother... And I had always been keeping my promise except of one ocassion... I am capable of doing what I say... you should know... Sorry...

I just wanna =D

2006-06-12T19:46:00.000+08:00

Im updating my blog... I am currently at a loss of words... What i planned isn't going on as what i wanted.. i have alot of complains.. alot of opinions.. but nothing ever comes out of my mouth... mayb i shld go back to the past... the true me... a loner... never mixing wif anyone... mayb tat is my life.. what for fake? what for show a mask for pple to see? Sorry... i dunno wad is going on wif my brain... emotionally unstable perhaps? the pass few months is really the most terrible to go through... everything came crashing down on me... everything which i deemed closest to me just seems to drift off... mayb i shld just spend quality time on my own as i always had...

Will Fate Be Kinder?

2006-04-22T23:13:00.000+08:00

I went out with Cynthia the entire day. We had moments of high and low today. High was when Cynthia cooking breakfast for me, playing with my white hamster and joking with one another. However, there was more low moments for the day than high. But none of us wanted to argue so we stayed quiet. I just want to say that I do not want to be just another average guy. I want to make it big! I do not want to fellow into my father's footsteps. I want a better family for myself! I think I should deserve better. I know I am selfish but it is time for me to put my interest in front of others. I want to do things that I am happy doing and not doing things for others. I already wasted almost the entire of my childhood doing things for the sake of other people happiness. I haven't really enjoy what it is like to do the things I want to do. I hope you will be supportive and understanding. I already given up on my family to understand me. My only wish is the let my mother stay happy in her old age. The other things in my family is simply not my problem.

God had been cruel to me... I just hope that he will make up for it in my later stage of life.

BAOC'06 - Wild Wild Rodeo 3

2006-04-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

Yeah!!! Orientation is finally over. The group I am in kind of represent "brokeback mountain" as my group is based in the wild wild west. Basically, my group is called Wild Wild Rodeo and I am in group 3. My orientation is spoilt a little by my soft-spoken group conprising of 15 freshy. However, the seniors were very enthusiastic in almost everything which makes my orientation a little better.

Day 1
The first day of orientation is basically filled with ice breaker games. The seniors made their introduction and the freshies did the same. However, my memory failed me on the first day was I could barely remember half of the names of everybody there. Officially, orientation should end in the early afternoon but as I was choosen as one of the performers, I had to go home in the evening. This is because we had to wait for the other groups from other courses to finish their orientation. While waiting, we played more games! That was the most fun time of the orientation because the people their were more outgoing and enthusiastic in the games than my orientation group. Finally, when all the choosen freshy to perform had gathered, the seniors tell us what is our performing item. It is line dancing! I am extremely bad at dancing thus I keep trying to persuade my seniors to let me off. However, the rain was on their side and it had me grounded in NP grounds till the rain stop. After spending sometime learning the dance steps, it have not change my belief that I am an extremely bad dancer so I manage to give some excuses to go home. By the time I reached home, I was tired out of my wits. After eating my dinner and bathing, I was immediately on my bed and snoring away.

Day 2
I was involved in a programme call the amazing race - Ngee Ann Style. I didn't know what that programme was about and I feel that this programme wasn't organised very well as there was errors here and there. People have to wait for their turn to play and the wait was pretty boring. Some members of my group are sulking because they have to walk around the grounds of NP under the scorning sun rays. Basically, I felt that the amazing race was a failure because not everybody enjoyed their full. There was also a CCA talk and some performance by the seniors. The CCA talk was actually to introduce the clubs and society in NP and to address the importance of CCA in our life in the future. The BA society, Idare Camp & Serve Cambodia project caught my attention. I am thinking how to tell them my interest in joining all those events.

Day 3
Today was simply a performance day put up by the freshies, seniors and lecturers. There was cheers by every group and awards were given out. My group won Mr And Mrs BA award & the best banner award. I thought that Wild Wild Rodeo will win the most enthusastic group award because my seniors was very competitive and keep shouting out cheers. But sadly, we didn't win. Anyway, a consolation for us that we are the group which won the most prizes! In my heart, I think that my group is the best group despite not winning the best group award.

Day 4
Today was the CCA fiesta day where booths were set up and CCAs were introduced to the freshies. A pretty boring day. I put my name in the registation form for Student Union and inquire about the adventure seeker club. Other than that, nothing interest me. I collected my Poly Ez-link card and left school. With this, the BAOC'06 (Business & Accountancy Orientation Convention 2006) had ended.

After leaving school, I went to find Cynthia. We went to watch the movie Reincarnation at the shaw house. Oh... I also saw stars there! Mediacorp stars! They are Pan Ling Ling and her husband(I forgot his name) and Mark Lee and his wife. We bought subway which we smuggle inside the cinema. The threate hall was pretty sucky and the movie wasn't too good either. The movie lack the scary part up the storyline was great. Overall, the movie deserve the 3 stars which I read in the newspapars and not 4 stars which I seen somewhere. After that, we went to eat beancurd at the famour Rocher Road store and she went home. (P.S. Cynthia... Sorry that I couldn't send you home as I do not want to make my friends impatient. I had stall them for a pretty long time and made them walking to and fro.) I went to Paradize Centre to wait for my friends there. They reach within a short period of them and I had the game of my life playing daytona with JiaMing. I recalled another thing. I was wearing my orientation shirt whichis yellow in colour and going out with my friends the entire day. JiaMing took one look at my shirt and laugh. This strengthen my belief that yellow make me look gay. Back to the Daytona game. We wasn't exactly competing with one another because we were laughing so hard through out the game that we arn't really concentrating on driving well. Haha... Lunatics playing arcade games. After the game, I went for supper with my friends, talk among ourselves and took a cab home because by the time we were finished, there was already no more bus service. I reach home at 2am++. Fall asleep soon after. This is what happen on friday after my orientation.

Ending off with a cheer...

Rodeo Rodeo is the best
Rodeo Rodeo is the best
Who's the Best??? Rodeo!!!
Who's the Best??? Rodeo!!!
Rodeo had won the war ( x3)
claps claps claps....

F***ing Rain

2006-04-17T15:56:00.000+08:00

I wasn't intending to blog today but due to boredom and other factors arising because of the heavy rain today, I am blogging. My plans today was to play basketball till I drop but the rain spoilt all my plans. I wanted to cook but the the ingredients doesn't appeal me. I wanted to go to a supermarket to buy some ingredients but I do not have money. Maybe blogging and listening to music will help me pass the time quicker.

I want to The Cathay to watach a movie for the first time last Saturday. I watched Eight Below but the stuff I want to emphasis is on the newest Cinema in town. Eight Below was being shown in the Grand Cathay, the biggest threate hall there. The amosphere there was absolutely fantastic! The surroundings, the seats, the surround system and the arrangement was everything close to perfection. There was only one thing disappointing about that threate hall. The screen wasn't big enough as compared to GV Grand. Short-sighted me have to strain my eyes to see the subtitle clearly! So GV Grand still remains as my first choice for cinemas. But in terms of amosphere, GV Grand was nothing as compared to The Cathay.

On the same day, I went to paradiz Centre before watching the movie at The Cathay. Of course I am there to play Daytona USA II! I have another moment of glory there on that day. I beaten two Manual Cars using an Automatic Car in the advance course. Cynthia was seeing me competing. She commented that one of the manual cars was trying very hard to catch up with me which was to no avail. Sorry for being boastful but I have to say that they do not know who they are up against. I do not frequent that game machine for nothing. Anyway, thanks for the challangers to allow me to vent my anger on them ;p

I also went to a KTV in the heart of Chinatown last Friday with a couple of my friends. Initially, I wasn't in the mood to sing. But after sometime, I being singing my heart out. Thankz Cynthia for helping me with my mood problems. It had also been a long time since I went out with my friends. It was quite fun and I reached home at around 3.30 am.

Tomorrow is going to be the first day of NP orientation programme. I am kind of scared of mixing around with new people. Hopefully, I am no longer as anti-social as before.

Brain error...

2006-04-12T23:56:00.000+08:00

Orientation starts next week and School starts two weeks later and I am not prepared for all of it yet! My mind is in a mess now! Time-table is tight. Can't choose the CCA which I want because I have to work on their training day. Having serious financial problems. No savings no everything... How can I survive in the future? Everything is not going smoothly for me now... Argh!!! Why Singapore society demands so much from its citizens? Qualification & experience... I have neither... Argh... going to blow up!! How can i relax? Who can I relate my thoughts to? Can I express out my thoughts in words? Nah... I wanna go play daytona!!! Relieve out all my stress!!!

The Chef - Eugene?

2006-04-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

Last night, I boiled a big pot of black chicken soup all by myself! The name of the soup is Dang Dui Black Chicken Soup. I deskinned the chicken myself, chopped it into pieces by myself, washed the herbs myself, started the chaocoal by myself and boil the soup all my myself! Haha... It seems that I can't control myself saying "by myself" because it is considered an achievement by me. The first time I boil a herbal soup all by myself plus that herbal soup is my favourite! I choose to boil the soup using chaocoal because the taste of the soup will more natural as it is not "contaminated" by the smell of the gas. Hmm... Maybe I should drop writing essays and write some receipts here.

Today, I am suppose to stay at home all day. However, Cynthia fall sick at school and went home early so I went over her home to take care of her. The "care" include taking her to the doctor, cooking porridge for her and waking her up to eat medicine. Cynthia even praised me saying that the porridge I cooked taste nice. Haha... Thankz for the encouragement but I still feel that my porridge is nothing compared to the porridge at Ang Mo Kio. I must learn to cook as well as those hawkers thus satisfying my own stomach without travelling great distances. When home early because I promised my mother that I will cook dinner.

Upon reaching home, I started seasoning the pork and fish. By the time I was done, it was only 4 plus in the afternoon. Too early to start cooking dinner so I decided to play basketball to reward myself after one whole boring week. My shooting still sucks big time! I guess I have to practise more in order to improve my accuracy. After finishing playing basketball, I went home and starting cooking the dishes. Dinner time, there was 4 dishes cooked by me! Fried tofu fish, steamed pork, sunny side egg and kai lun with oyster sauce. There wasn't any bad comments regarding my dishes. My sister even call me to join shatec to learn cooking to be a chef! Maybe it could be another career path for me? Everything is possible isn't it?

I also have to make my decision whether to take private A level subject by tomorrow. The plan was to take 3 A level subject so that admission to university will be easiler. The 3 subject are Principles of Account, Economics & Math C. My plans for the future is simple. Be specialised in more than 1 field. Hence, my ambition is to take a double degree. I already decided on both of the degree which I wanted - Degree in Economics and Degree in Accounting. Will taking those A level subject help in achieving my aim? I got a day to decide...

The last section is the condemn a particular person. Anyone read the New Paper today? Apparently, a self-proclaim JC student had said that polytechnic students are childish and stupid in an online forum. What in the world! No one have the rights to label anyone stupid no matter how clever or intelligent that person is. In my opinion, the person who started this nonsense is the most childish of all. This incident reminds me of the past when I am in primary school. It is like children arguing with each other and calling each other names! This nonsense all stop when people start to mature. However, this particular person is still calling people names despite being in a JC! Isn't it disappointing that the JC in Singapore produces this type of student?

Continue At Where???

2006-04-08T10:35:00.000+08:00

I am now working in the internet cafe thus the computer is at my disposal. I plan to write another story because the comments on my previous story wasn't what I expected. I will write and rewrite until I get the perfect love story! However, I will just blog about what happened to me this week.

Firstly, I received alot of comments for my "sad story". They range from lame, common, funny to stupid. My idea of a perfect story is a story which is able to trigger a person's imagination, have the ability to touch someone and yet a small addition of humour here and there. However, based on my mastery of the English language, I am very regretful that I am unable to write a perfect story because my language isn't perfect too! However, I believe practise make perfect. I will keep trying until I receive positive comments on my story. Maybe my story will be that successful that it will be able to be published into a book? Haha.. I am day-dreaming in broad daylight.

Next, I am considering whether to continue on working at wintertime or work at the internet cafe or find another part time job which is completely new to me. I will list the pros and cons of each job. Maybe YOU can help me with my decision.

WinterTime
Pros- Good Staff, acceptable salary, working days negotiable.
Cons- Boring Job, long working hours, transportation home expensive.

Internet Cafe
Pros- Freedom, excellent working hours, easy job, access to computers and internet.
Cons- Pathetic salary, lousy experience

New Job
Pros- New surroundings, new experience, new colleagues, new lifestyle, staff purchases.
Cons- Salary uncertain, ablitiy to adapt.

The staff of wintertime had been asking me to continue working for a couple of times but I keep postponing my decision. If I were to continue working at wintertime, I plan that I will stay there for the next few years while I am studying at poly. But if i receive a extremely good job offer, it would be extremely difficult to turn the offer down too. I am just waiting for one such offer.

I have a brainstorm recently. The great Singapore sale is just around the corner and there will be great bargains and discount all over Singapore. If I were to work hard and earn as much money as I could before the great Singapore sale. I planned to buy a few more tees, a white pair of shoe and any irresistible bargains I could find.

Lastly, I think that arguement does not necessary bring a couple together. It could also have some devastating effect. I believe compromising is much more important than argueing. I hope all this will reduce...

A Sad Piece Of Story

2006-04-02T10:57:00.000+08:00

I have the sudden urge to write some essays. The urge to write sad and touching essays. I do not know whether I have the skills to write such an essay but I will still try.

Title - A Sad Piece Of Story
By - Eugene K

Delicated To everyone reading my Blog...

A had a longing for something... Something which will change his life for the better. However, everyone know that something special isn't just there were you could find easily. A know that too! He hunted for the special something for all his life to no avail. In the end, he came to a conclusion that what was meant for him will be his someday. Thus, he waited...

The special something appear one day in front of him in the form of a girl. The girl was kind, understanding and gentle. Her delicated features with her wonderful character immediately caught the attention of A. However, not only A was searching for the special something. Everyone who have not found their special something was still searching for them. The angelical girl seems to be the special something whick A was searching for. However, not only A was charmed by her, alot others are too! She had alot of pursuer and A thought he will never had a chance. He stood by her side all the despite suffering from heartache when she got attached to one of her pursuer. However, as people said, nothing could last forever. A realised that he will never have the chance to be with that angelic girl so he begin to fainting out of her sight.

After sometime, A was desperately finding something to replace his special something. He turned to drinking and was frequently seen at pubs near his home. One day, he was so drunk that he didn't know what he was doing and found himself awaking at a place very unfamiliar to him. Seems that one kind-hearted soul had seen him so drunk thus bringing him home and took care of him. He later found out that the kind-hearted soul was one of the waitress working in the pub. He started falling for her and take every possible chance to go to the pub and talk to her. After awhile, they started dating. Initially, both of them were very happy. However, as time passes, conflict and disagreement start to grow between both of them. Later, A found out the cruel truth - the bar waitress as only being with him due to greed of money and sympathy. Their relationship quickly sour up A was left all alone again.

After some time, A was told the the angelic girl was called B. His friends told him that B is single again. They said that B was being cheated and had loss confident in love. They urge A to quickly take actions to mend B's broken heart. However, A was too depress and emotionally scarred to take actions. He just spend his time wasting away, being a burden to society.

Not long after, news broke out that a girl named B was found dead at her own flat. The news hitted A hard! He immediately went to B's home after some enquiring from his friends. B's flat was dead quiet. He tried knocking on the door without any answers. Feeling that his suspicion was confirmed, he cried out at the door of B's home. He cried out every word which had been bottled up in his heart for so many years. Why he dare not pursue her because of his low self-esteem, how he had been there for her all this while, the regret of choosing someone to replace her, his foiling of the chance to mend her heart and how regretful he is at that moment. After A finally finished crying, he maded up his mind to stay beside B forever

Unknowingly, B was well and alive in her flat. The news report is of another person with the similar name as B's. B had heard every word which A had said outside her flat. She was deeply touched. She wanted to go out to hug the man which always been there for her without her knowing. She joyfully rush out of her flat just to be met with the sight of A jumping to his death at an opening right beside the staircase landing. B's scream was even louder than the sickening thump at the bottom of her flat...

Story completed... I think I wrote a pretty lame essay. All my ideas gotten from stupid movie and televison shows and some parts are from my brainstorm. Touching? Sad? Tragic? Stupid? Give me some comments. Anyway, I didn't check for any tense or spell error. Please forgive me if my language is very poor.

The word "SORRY" again

2006-04-01T23:24:00.000+08:00

I remember blogging about how meaning less I feel the word "sorry" is to me. The dictionary defination for sorry is "keenly sorry or regretful" and "having regret or sorrow or a sense of loss over something done or undone". However, the word "sorry" seems to me as a word which will appear everytime whenever something does not seems right. Sorry, in my opinion have to be spoken with sincerity. However, the word came to me as a very casual word. Just bluntly spoken out of the mouth without much thinking. Actually, I feel that some matters can be solved easily without the word "sorry". How? Just by the purest sincerity and the willingness to accept the wrong with someone had done.

Some people have this misconception that sorry can be used at anything. In some matters, "sorry" isn't the appropriate word to use. Excessive of saying the word "sorry" is annoying and will cause someone to lose confident in the word "sorry". Naturally, one will start hating the word "sorry".

I do not know what am I talking about but whenever I held a promise I will keep it. I say that my voice wouldn't be heard that means it wouldn't be heard. Different people have different ideas on the seriousness of matters. Maybe a painful memory will be a handle lesson in life?

Maybe after saying so much about the word "sorry", I should basically go straight to the point instead of beating around the bush. I hate the word "SORRY!!" I think that I am thinking the word "SORRY" for granted already. I hear sorry here and there. Everyday, week and months. Can I stop this word from entering my ear? I think I am getting alleage reaction whenever I hear that word.

Levi's Sale

2006-03-31T10:46:00.000+08:00

I started my day by preparing to go to my new workplace - a internet cafe at Lucky Plaza. Today will be the last day I am considered as a trainee and tomorrow I am prepared to handle the whole shop by myself. I am thinking of bringing storybooks, VCD and my PSP there to spend my time there. This way, the time will pass faster. Interesting fact - the working hour is only 5 hours. Means I can still spend half of my day enjoying myself! Isn't it cool? However, spending time without money can be quite difficult because everything requires money! So, I may as well stay at home, eat instant noodles and play basketball once in awhile.

After work, I received an SMS from Jia Ming. He said that there was a levi's sale going on in Taka. Initially, I did not believe him as he told me he bought a jeans at only $25 which is far too cheap for a branded jeans. Even the jeans in Queensway Shopping Centre is sold at $30++. But it wouldn't hurt to take a look so I went there with Cynthia to hunt for a good bargain. We were not disappointed when we reach there as there were indeed levi's jeans selling for prices ranging from $15 to $99. However, there are just as many people as KIASU as me thus making the shop extremely crowded! We even have to wait to get inside the shop. Inside the shop was rampage! Customers pushing each other and ransacking the jeans nicely folded in cartons. The poor staff have to fold and arrange the jeans every few minutes. Anyway, I indeed got a good bargain. I bought 2 jeans at a total of $65, even cheaper than the cheapest levi's jean I bought. Cynthia also bought a jeans for her brother's girlfriend. Seems that everyone who go inside the shop couldn't resist not to buy the jeans.

Satisfied with the bargain we bought, we finally went for dinner. I didn't eat much as I wanted to save money. I ended up sharing a plate of sweet & sour fried fish with rice with Cynthia. It wasn't filling enough for me but this is me when I am broke. Scrimp and save on everything possible.

We went to watch a movie next at shaw house. We wanted to watch Dorm at first but there as no screening of the movie there so we switch to watch Fragile. The movie was about a nurse who couldn't bear to leave one of her paitients so much that she murdered her and herself commiting sucide later because the doctors wanted to take the girl overseas to give her treatment. Her spirit love the hospital and her children patient so much that her spirit continue roaming on the second floor of the hospital where she used to be in charge of. Her love of the hospital turned out to be haunting for the children patients staying there. It will be an interesting movie if I really catch the storyline. What I said just now was only a rough idea on what really happened.

At night, I went to meet up with Jia Ming and Mark to ensure that we haven't bought the same jeans as each other. We ate at a hawker centre beside Great World city and chatted for awhile before going home. Mark gave me a lift home as his cab as going along the way.